Anonymity: The Secret Life of an American Family

by Susan Bergman

Book Overview

Don Heche died of AIDS in 1983 at the age of forty-five, one of the earliest casualties of the disease. But he was not the only victim of his illness: he left behind a wife and four children. How her family dealt with their predicament - not only the loss of husband and father but the overwhelming knowledge of his secret homosexual life - is the subject of Susan Bergman's powerful memoir. Bergman's narration weaves back and forth through time as she...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0446671193
• ISBN13: 9780446671194
• Release Date: January 1995
• Publisher: Warner Books (NY)
• Length: 198 Pages
• Weight: 0.47 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.2" x 7.9"

Customer Reviews

Changed my life

This books is eloquent, honest and infatuating. It is also a rare devout Christian voice that doesn't sound like James Dobson... and is well worth reading for those reasons. And it's a very powerful morality play. "Anonymity" is on a very short list of books that changed my life. The basic premise of the book -- that secret morality is a self-deception-- was exactly what I needed as I was developing my personal values. I often think about "Anonymity" as I consider making a moral decision; my decision will probably become public at some point.

Eloquent

Eloquent is the best word I can use to desribe Susan Heche Bergman's telling of her family story. Having read both Anne and Susan's stories about their family life, it is always interesting to see the different perspectives from siblings in the same family. I recommend listening to Anne's story first on CD as she adds profound emphasis to the telling and like so many good stories they are truly oral histories. I think it is nearly impossible for anyone to judge a family story other than those people who have lived the story. I thank them both for being brave enough to share their thoughts and perspectives on what happened while they were growing up. Clearly we are priviledged to be listening to what would normally only be divulged in a therapist office. We all need to hear more of these stories in order that we may come to understand that it is society's closed doors that keep people locked inside closets they don't know how to open; unfortunatley, for the Heche children, with devastating consequences. I have rarely read more finely written closing chapters than those where Susan descibes her longing to be throughly known pehaps "only as God could observe." My final thoughts upon finishing both books is that these sisters are closer than they know.

Profoundly moving, perceptive, and heart-wrenching!

This book paints a tinglingly vivid portrait of the modern-day dysfuncional family. The gay father, the brother killed in a car accident, the lesbian-turned-straight sister, whoa! Poor Susan! The fact that she can write about all of this tragedy with a triumphant heart and crystal clarity is astonishing. My mother came out of the closet 15 years ago and I could relate to Susan's anguish and desperate need to understand her father's closeted homosexuality. As a Christian, I was touched by her sincerity and her commitment to the truth. She expresses anger at her father but she also shows he deeply she loved him. Christians are so often accused and accursed of being "hate-mongers" and "anti-gay" but most of us are like everyone else, trying to understand and homosexuals without condoning their lifestyle. Homosexuals are free to live as they choose but their lifestyle is not compatible with Christian theology. This does not mean that we hate them. There is no room for 'hate' in the true Christian's life. I see no such hate in Susan Bergman's tale of her father. Here is a woman who loves a man dying of AIDS with merciful abandon. Too bad her story is not heard in the mass media, it is one worth remembering and sharing.

Anne Heche's sister tells the story....

I read this book years ago before anyone had heard of Anne Heche, former "wife" of Ellen Degeneres and author of a new book, Call Me Crazy. In this book--Anonymity--Anne's siter Susan tells a tragic story of a gay man who was ashamed of being gay and a wife who is the epitome of denial. Everyone in the family suffers (read about the son!) in their own way. The only one who seemed to escape it at all was Anne, the pretty, blond sister who had gone to New York to become an actress. Yet today Anne "recollects" horror stories about her family which do not jive at all with this honest, poetic book by Susan. Read this book for a story of true family dysfunction in the 20th century. It is quite a book! Very well written and honest. (I am hoping it comes back in print with the recent publicity Anne's book is receiving.)

Powerful and affecting.

Bergman's lyrical prose wraps around your heart at every turn. If you haven't read Anonymity this year, you must.