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How I Sprained My Thumb

By Catie Baldridge • December 01, 2018

People love stories. Since injuring my hand, I found that people request stories even more when they see someone wearing a cast.

My recent injury was mundane. My thumb caught on a blanket and declined to keep moving with the rest of my body, resulting in a sprain. It hurts, it is annoying, but it is tolerable. After informing a coworker of how it happened, he responded with "what a boring story!"

A bit miffed and a bit amused, I decided then that my story would change with each request. Below are two of my favorite on-the-fly stories I shared.

"Well, when I was walking through a dark park on my way home the other night, I noticed some bright lights from above. They didn't belong to any of the park’s lamps, and when I looked up I realized saw it was a UFO!
It was massive, and I was alone in the park. Nervous, and doing my best deer-in-the-headlights impression, I stared at the extraterrestrial vehicle as it descended before me. Once landed, a being departed the vessel. Grey skin, a thin-lipped mouth, and big black eyes approached me. I didn't know what to do! I was no Earth Ambassador!
Super bad news - this thing was hostile! As soon as it got near me, it grabbed my hand with a slimy, three-digited hand of its own, turned, and attempted to haul me back to the ship. I struggled, and the being turned back around forcefully, spraining my thumb in the process. It put its grey, egg shaped face right next to mine. I sneezed. Right into its gaping maw. The being made some gurgling noises and collapsed. I hightailed out of there and never found out what happened to the alien corpse or the other beings of the ship."

Ok, so I might have taken some inspiration from HG Wells' War of the Worlds for this particular story!

"A friend and I were hanging out watching some Netflix over the weekend. We were stocked up on junk food and sugary beverages, including some weird new energy drink she found at a random corner store. When she popped open the drink, we discovered it was a gross, sludgy purple color and smelled sickly sweet. I urged her not to drink it. There were neither nutritional facts nor an ingredients list on the packaging, but she decided to go for it anyway. I left the room, unable to witness her drinking the icky goop.
I heard slurping while waiting in the kitchen, and then, silence. 'Joan?' I called, but heard no reply. I stepped back into the living room, and there she wasZombie-fied! She ran right for me, and I fended her off with my left hand. In her zeal to get to my tasty, rich brains, she sprained my thumb. Thanks to recently reading the The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, I was able to fend her off and single handedly saved the world from the zombie invasion. You're welcome."

Next time you need a better story to spice up the mundane, you may also find inspriation from a beloved author's work. Though if you don't have the time to launch into a fully detailed narrative with your curious friend, here's some one-liners:

  • Playing fetch with my pet dinosaur
  • Arm wrestling championship, you should see the other guy
  • Fell into a pit of enthusiastic puppies while wearing a tug-rope outfit for a costume party
  • Trying to swat at a bug, but it took my fly swatter and chased me around the room!
  • My nephew is a werewolf and got a little too excited when we played 'Hunter and Prey'
  • My daughter didn't like it when I 'took her nose' and decided to forcefully take it back

Read more by Catie Baldridge

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