You Can't Change What You Can't Control
This is a story of Noxolo. a women telling her story to "MR Walls" because no one else would listen. at 12, she was sexually assaulted by any older man while her grandparents, respected pastors in the community, allowed it and were paid for it. When she tried to tell her mother, she was beaten, blamed and eventually kicked out at 12 with nowhere to go. She learned to survive by staying silent, hiding scars and enduring abuse she could not name. Years later, she met Alwande and found care, but hid her past out of fear. When he left it reopened every wound, she writes about loving, being hurt and learning that people can be gentle and still let you down, not always from malice but from fear and their own unhealed pain. She lives with severe asthma, "can't breath 30 minutes without inhaler" and describe herself as a "Walking casket", a puzzle with missing parts. Her deepest fear is that her daughter will repeat her cyle or that she will become her mother. In a moment of despair she reaches a crisis point involving self-harm and fire, and ends mid-sentence, regretting what happened.
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