Women and Desire : Beyond Wanting to Be Wanted

By Polly Young-Eisendrath

Book Overview

Provocative and vital, this groundbreaking book delves into the complex world of female desire and discovers that, sadly, women often want to be wanted rather than to be fully engaged with life. Instead of being able to know what they really want or who they really are, women have been conditioned to accept images -- the good daughter, the nice friend, the ideal boss, the perfect mother -- to define themselves through reflections from others. As a result, self-direction, self-determination, and self-confidence are undermined from adolescence through old age. A double bind comes to surround female desire: a woman is damned as "the bitch" if she is direct and self-determining; but she is confused and indirect if she plays the Object of Desire. Dr. Young-Eisendrath shows us how to break out of this double bind so that we can encounter the challenges of choice and responsibility for our own desires. She wisely uses mythological and personal stories to help us take control of our sexual, relational, material, and spiritual lives. If you feel confused, resentful, or trapped in a life that does not seem to be fully yours, then you can find a clear path to your true self, once and for all, with the help of Women and Desire.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0609805304
• ISBN13: 9780609805305
• Release Date: August 1970
• Publisher: Crown Publishing Group, The
• Length: 272 Pages
• Weight: 0.05 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.2" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Amazing book

This book should be a must read for every woman. It's inspiring and life-changing.

Is Feminism the F Word?

I assign this book to students in my psychology seminar. These students at a women's college tell me that they find Women and Desire to be thought provoking, interesting, even helpful. I noticed a column in Newsweek by Anna Quindlen in October. She argued that women today still need the F word feminism because society hasn't changed as much as we like to tell ourselves. It appears that the need for books such as this one by Polly Young-Eisendrath continues to be valid.

Good Perspective Adjustment

The title of this book spoke volumes to me before I even cracked the cover. Reading about her perspective that women want to be wanted rather than fully know was right on target for me and because of the new found perspective, I felt released from the need of "wanting to be wanted." I resist some of her claims as to WHY women do this - from my point of view, she spends a little too much time blaming society, culture, men. I think the WHY is important to know, but I wanted to see the book focus a bit more on what women can DO about it. In general, the book more than serves its purpose to raise the issue and bring awareness to it. Overall, excellent, thought-provoking book.

Changed My Life

In the first 23 pages, this book changed my life. She hit the nail on the head, so to speak about the crux of my biggest subconscious issue, being the object of desire. This book is a must for all women and definitely for men who want to know and understand women more fully. This book opened me up to the knowledge that I am not irreparably broken, and that coming into my own power is still well within my reach. Thank you! Thank you!

An essential for those who have lived for others

Young-Eisendrath brilliantly opens the reader's eyes to the female's struggle for an identity in a patriarchal society. Fables, intertwined magnificently throughout each core concept, act as examples of the concocted lives women cling to and men (and women) perpetuate. I identified strongly with the author's comparison of being the "subject of one's own desire" versus being the "object of another's desire." Reading this book, I realized how both women and men are forced to act in a stereotypical drama. Men - aggressors, emotional corpses, breadwinners, dominators. Women - weaklings, dependents, passivists, bitches. Neither role is healthy, nor genuine. Young-Eisendrath has tackled one side of the problem. Who will take on the other?