Why We Love the Wrong People: A Schema Therapy Guide to Breaking Relationship Patterns

By Emma Katrina Juarez

Why do smart, self-aware people keep ending up in the same painful relationships?

You promised yourself you'd never fall for someone like your ex again. You took time to heal. You got clear on what you wanted. Then you met someone new who seemed completely different, and months later, you're having the same arguments, feeling the same familiar pain, watching the same dynamics unfold with a different face.

This isn't bad luck. It's schema psychology at work.

"Why You Keep Choosing Wrong" brings the proven science of Schema Therapy into an accessible, practical guide focused specifically on romantic relationships. Based on decades of clinical research, this book reveals the hidden emotional blueprints, called schemas, that drive your partner choices, trigger your reactions, and create predictable relationship patterns you may not even realize you're repeating.

Inside this evidence-based guide, you'll discover:

→ The 18 relationship schemas and how each one manifests in love, attraction, and conflict

→ Why intense chemistry often signals danger rather than compatibility

→ How your childhood created a "relationship blueprint" that still operates today

→ The four types of schema modes and how they hijack your behavior during arguments

→ Common "mode dances" couples get trapped in, including the Pursuer-Distancer and Critic-Defender patterns

→ What happens in your brain during emotional triggering and why you can't think clearly

→ Practical exercises for identifying your personal patterns across past relationships

→ Cognitive and behavioral strategies for real schema change

→ How to choose partners who are genuinely compatible rather than just familiar

→ When self-help is enough and when professional support is needed

This book updates the classic Schema Therapy approach for contemporary readers, addressing modern relationship challenges like dating apps, digital communication anxiety, situationships, and parasocial connections. Each chapter includes research-backed explanations, relatable case examples, and hands-on exercises you can apply immediately.

Suitable for:

Adults who notice they keep attracting similar partnersAnyone emerging from a failed relationship seeking deeper understandingTherapy clients looking for bibliotherapy to supplement their workReaders interested in attachment theory and relationship psychologyAnyone ready to break free from unconscious relationship patterns

Your relationship history isn't random. Understanding the patterns is the first step to choosing differently. The psychology is clear. The path forward starts here.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0GJLH9HBC
• ISBN13: 9798245313436
• Release Date: January 2026
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 232 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.0" x 9.0"