The Garden and the Pit: What It Really Takes to Heal After a Harmful Relationship

By Chris Abojei and Adekemi Fabunmi

Why do I feel so lost in a relationship that's supposed to make me feel loved?

If you've ever asked yourself that question, this book is for you.

Maybe you can't explain what's wrong. From the outside, everything looks fine, but inside you feel confused, exhausted, and increasingly alone. You question your reactions, apologize for things that aren't your fault, stay silent to avoid conflict, and wonder if somehow you've become the problem.

Or perhaps you already know you've been hurt, and now you're trying to find your way back to yourself.

The Garden and the Pit doesn't begin with blame or a list of red flags. Instead, it explores the quiet, gradual ways relationships can become harmful and why it often takes so long to recognize the damage.

At the heart of this book is a simple but powerful metaphor: your life is a garden, and beside it, someone is digging a pit. With every shovel of dirt thrown into your garden, your peace, confidence, and sense of self are slowly buried, often so gradually that you don't notice until the garden no longer feels like your own.

This book does not promise a quick recovery or easy answers. Instead, it offers something far more enduring: the language to name what happened, the clarity to understand why it happened, and a practical framework for healing and rebuilding your life.

Written by two clinical psychologists with over a decade of experience helping individuals and couples heal from relational trauma, The Garden and the Pit will help you understand what happened, why it was so difficult to see, and, most importantly, how to reclaim your garden and grow again. Because no matter how much dirt has been thrown into your life, your garden can flourish again.

What you will find inside:

A clear, compassionate explanation of how emotional, psychological, and relational abuse actually works - and why it so often begins with what feels like loveThe reason leaving is so much harder than it looks from the outsideA framework for understanding your emotions as signals rather than weaknessesPractical guidance on self-worth, boundaries, forgiveness, resentment, and the fear of starting overHonest chapters for those who caused harm and want to changeGuidance for parents and caregivers on protecting the people who share their livesSixteen tightly structured chapters with reflection prompts at the end of each one, designed to move you from insight into action

Whether you are still in the relationship, have recently left, are making sense of experiences from years ago, or simply want to understand your own relationship patterns, this book was written for you.

The pit was real. And so is your capacity to grow beyond it.

The Garden and the Pit: What It Really Takes to Heal After a Harmful Relationship by Chris Abojei and Adekemi V. Fabunmi.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1067422730
• ISBN13: 9781067422738
• Release Date: July 2026
• Publisher: Psychaid Wellness Ltd
• Length: 224 Pages
• Weight: 0.67 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.0" x 9.0"