The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love

by Angelyn Miller

Book Overview

Co-dependency of which enabling is a major element can and does exist in families where there is no chemical dependency. Angelyn Miller s own experience is a dramatic example: neither she nor her husband drank, yet her family was floundering in that same dynamic. In spite of her best efforts to fix everything (and everyone), the turmoil continued until she discovered that helping wasn t helping.

Miller recounts how she learned to alter the way...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1587360675
• ISBN13: 9781587360671
• Release Date: October 2001
• Publisher: Wheatmark
• Length: 120 Pages
• Weight: 0.40 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Succinct, Helpful Book About Codependent Enabling

***** Although this book is short, it accomplishes its purpose--to describe enabling and to teach readers how to overcome enabling. It does this through great illustrations from the life of the author about incidents with her husband and son, through descriptions, and through worksheets to help you construct your own recovery plan. I liked that it was short and to the point so that I wasn't wasting my time reading a lot of fluff. Neither the author nor anyone in her immediate life was involved with alcohol or any other addiction; the book shows how enabling can be something we all can indulge in if we aren't aware. Highly recommended. *****

should have read it four years ago

I could have used this book about four years ago.... For me, I was the enabler and started to go to Alanon meetings about 0ne year ago. Some of the material in this book - I already learned thru Alanon but it was good for me to review it anyway. I truley believe that if you are in an alcoholic or drug situation ---- it is good to learn as much as you can about the disease or problem. I pray for all of you out there that find their life in complete turmoil as they watch a loved one destroy his life and in the end can do a lot of damage both mentally and physically to you. Take care of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a strange disease where you find yourself thinking that you are "HELPING" but in reality ---you may be prolonging the problem and keeping the alcoholic from finding the "HELP" that they truley need. My story is ending in a divorce to a man that I still care very deeply for but hate the man that he has become as a result of his disease. He is currently slowly dying in a hospital while his insides are so messed up and not getting any better. I wish that if I had read more books like this earlier --- maybe just maybe things may have been different today.... who knows but, it would have lead me in a different direction and I would have done things differently. God bless each and everyone of you who are painfully going thru this ugly mess.

Very Well Written. A Quick Read.

This book illustrates the story of the drowning enabler: someone else's life passes before his or her eyes.

what a life changer

Well, I was in a reahb center when my thearapist offered for me to read this book. I put it off for a few weeks when finally I picked it up to be amazed. It is a book that will help all of those who know they are enablers, think they are enablers, or sometimes likes to help a friend out in need. It is an eye opener. I recomend this book to just about anyone, even those who use enablers for their advantage. I hope you enjoy it just as much as I did!

A real eye-opener!

This book was ME and every other woman I've known who has thought she had to DO IT ALL for her family. It's only when we stop caring for everyone else and allow them to do for themselves that the ones we love learn to spread their wings. And we benefit, too, in paying more attention to ourselves and our own goals. The hardest thing to do sometimes is NOTHING, but it is so liberating to realize there are things you can't fix or cure. I highly recommend this book.