The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

by Harriet B. Braiker

Book Overview

What's wrong with being a "people pleaser?" Plenty

"A fascinating book... If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book "­­Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast

People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0071385649
• ISBN13: 9780071385640
• Release Date: February 2002
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies
• Length: 304 Pages
• Weight: 0.78 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 5.8" x 8.9"

Customer Reviews

So Helpful

This book was recommended to me by my counselor. The book is full of insightful information. It was amazing how many times I said to myself "that is exactly how I feel" Trying to please everyone all the time gets in the way of so many things on so many levels and this book helps you see and understand those things...People with the disease to please think they are doing all these good things by being so kind and helpful and loving when in reality, it can be pretty eroding to their own self esteem and their close personal relationships without them even realizing it because of the underlying reasons as to why they lay aside their own feelings about something in order to please everyone, keep peace, avoid conflict, etc. The step by step plan to help the pleaser move away from the mindset that makes him/her sacrifice so many things to please others is excellent. While not complicated or something revolutionary, it helps the reader to truly focus on thoughts and motivations and take steps to readjust your thinking. It is a must read for anyone who thinks they have even the slightest tendancy to be a people pleaser whether on the job or in thier personal lives.

Extremely well done, very helpful

As opposed to many self help books, Braiker has written a book that has substance instead of "rah-rah" fluff, and is very well written so you can actually apply the concepts into your daily life. She does not assume that everyone has the same challenges. Reflecting that premise, at the beginning of most all sections she provides a list of questions for the reader to answer so they can tell how much they may or may not need the concepts that follow. You don't have to read it from start to finish. Instead, take the first test and jump right to sections that will provide you the most help. Her ideas are very well thought out and clearly written. The "light turns on" as you read a paragraph and ponder how it applies to you. If you want everyone to like you and it bothers you when they do not, or if you are addicted to pleasing your employer and work excessively, this is one of the first books I would read.

This book explains the whole people pleasing issue

This book is about learning to be your true self. Its basically like this: if people avoid conflict as child, being told do this or else.. and be nice to your siblings, and suffered from emotional and verbal abuse growing up, you become afraid to say how you really feel, you be nice instead, going out of your way to please others. You learn not to say ok to sometimes say no and hold your ground, in fear of rejection or being hurt. Being nice to give someone something because you want to do something nice for them is different from being nice because you fear conflict with that people if you do not cave into their wishes. Even not allowing yourself to say no, reinforces this thinking pattern that you should go out of way, as if it really helps to keep people from doing your harm, or being mean to you. If you can see how each point fits together to make your thinking patterns they way you act, then you will be able to use various techniques to bring you more in line with who you really are on the inside, respecting yourself and people will see more confidence in you. People dont like people that are overly nice to them, this book helped me stand up to say no, and not worry what people might do or think, or be rejected, because I can still have life.

A+ for Harriet Braiker

I have recommended this book to so many people. I only hope that whoever reads it will follow the message.This is an important book. I think it is a critical read for anyone who has been abused, used or taken advantage of. It is important for the individual to understand why and how they got to be in the position and how they aquired the "Disease to Please".

THE DISEASE TO PLEASE

This book is one of the most important and helpful self help books which I have ever read. I felt as if it were written directly with me in mind. The author has been a practicing clinical psychologist for 25 years and gives examples through her patients' history's of problems and how they have been helped. In addition to that, she gives very specific ways that you, the reader, can apply these principles to your daily life. You might think that women have this problem more than men but that is not necessarily true. My husband is now reading this book and my grown children are also. You find that it helps you to understand not only yourself better but others as well. She writes in an easy to understand way. This is a book where you find yourself reading every word. There is nothing here which is not relevant or to the point. It has become, for me, a kind of textbook which I refer back to. In fact, she encourages the reader to read with a highlighter and to use the book as you would a textbook. I recommend this book to everyone except those who already feel that they know everything.