The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex

by David M. Buss

Book Overview

Why do men and women cheat on each other? How do men really feel when their partners have sex with other men? What worries women more -- men who turn to other women for love or men who simply want... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0684850818
• ISBN13: 9780684850818
• Release Date: February 2000
• Publisher: Free Press
• Length: 272 Pages
• Weight: 1.20 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 6.5" x 9.5"

Customer Reviews

"Necessary" from the POV of the genes...

Jealousy exists, like love and sex, to help propagate an individual's genes. It is a mechanism of the species to help insure for males paternity, and for females that their offspring receive the benefit of male protection, support and guidance. Jealousy is not "necessary" (as the subtitle disinformationally suggests) in the same sense that sex per se is necessary; nor is it an emotion, like love, that we might want to retain, had we our druthers. Jealousy is the emotional downside of the sexual/reproductive strategies employed by humans. It is "necessary" in the same sense (although not to the same degree) that pain is necessary. Furthermore, in the environment we now find ourselves, as opposed to the prehistoric savannahs in which the mechanism of jealousy proved adaptive, it is unnecessary, and something we might want to understand and come to grips with in an attempt to lessen its hold on us.But what this book is really about is infidelity, how and why it occurs, and what can be done to forestall it. In this context, jealousy (not envy which is directed at somebody who has something we want) is seen as an adaptive mechanism to protect the individual against a straying partner, either through heightened awareness or through inducing threats of reprisal, or through actual punishment of the infidel. Buss, a psychologist and author of the college text, Evolutionary Psychology: The New Science of the Mind, uses case histories from our culture and others and the results of personality inventories laced with humor to illustrate how the experience of jealousy leads to "mate guarding" and "mate retention tactics" that help the individual secure his or her position in the "mating market." As such jealousy is seen as a "signal" to both one's self (awakening one to the imminent danger of infidelity) and to one's partner (as a warning that one is on to the other's tricks). Consequently, Buss defines jealousy (p. 196) as "an adaptive signal of an impending threat to a primary love relationship." Included in this view is the understanding that infidelity, painful as it is, is a normal human behavior practiced by "as many as half of all married individuals."The style here is easy and accessible to a wide range of readers. The material is light-hearted (inasmuch as such a serious subject can be) but without any pasting-over of the dangers of jealousy. Underpinning the exposition is a thorough knowledge of human sexuality as derived from biology and evolutionary psychology. Buss not only knows what he is talking about, but imparts the information in a manner that, chapter by chapter, leads the reader to a deep and satisfying understanding of infidelity and the mechanism of jealousy.Along the way we learn some unsettling facts. For example, marital happiness has no effect on the instance of male infidelity. "In fact, 56 percent of the men who were having affairs judged their marriage to be very happy" (p. 146). Or that women pursue a sexual strat

Very original and interesting take on an old topic.

I liked this book much more than Buss's earlier "Evolution of Desire". He seems to have matured immensely as both a thinker and a writer, so this book has many more insights into behavior in intimate human relationships.The basic thesis here is that rather than being pathological, such things as jealousy and concern about a mate's fidelity (and other items we'd wish didn't exist) are evolved behaviors which gave our ancestor's a reproductive advantage. These things are especially important to males, who have no certainty of paternity. By flipping the view around from sickness and disdain to a response to reproductive risks, many things which once seemed to make no sense all of sudden become clear and understandable, even reasonable to some extent. Of course this doesn't make Buss an apologist for bad behavior since his take is that certain types of relationship problems can't be solved without grasping their underlying motivation. And Buss does all this with writing which is both easily accessible and illuminating of the depths of psychology.As a (physical) scientist I have no problem taking ev-psych as a working model of reality rather than The Truth. Since I understand it's just a way of looking at things, I don't have the trouble with it that some do. In that sense, this book is some of the best ev-psych, combining science with obvious personal insight and a plausible amount of extrapolation. It deals expertly with topics which are difficult to write about from a fresh perspective.

An extraordinary book!

David Buss's new book, The Dangerous Passion, explores the utterly fascinating topic of jealousy. Through a combination of captivating case studies, the results of intriguing research, and compelling insights from the field of evolutionary psychology, Buss conducts an absorbing and provocative examination of what is perhaps our darkest emotion. He is likely the most qualified person on the planet to write this book, having conducted research on jealousy for over a decade. The Dangerous Passion is an absorbing and insightful account of the crucial role jealousy plays in human relationships. Buss unlocks the secrets of jealousy, from its origins in the deep history of our species to its impact on modern relationships-good and bad. The Dangerous Passion is beautifully written and completely engaging. Anyone who has ever loved will see glimpses of themselves amid its pages. It should be required reading for scholars and anyone who desires a clearer understanding of love, loss, and the dangerous passion that binds them.

An Instant Classic

In his latest book, The Dangerous Passion, Dr. David M. Buss provides a clear and crisp overview of past and current research and thinking on jealousy, infidelity, and conflict in romantic relationships. In addition, Buss provides the reader with an introduction to the exciting new discipline of Evolutionary Psychology, and presents a powerful case for jealousy being the output of evolved mechanisms of the mind.Buss's engaging writing style and broad coverage of a tremendous amount of fascinating research make this book an instant classic for anyone interested in relationships. Very few active researchers have the ability to descend the Ivory Tower and write in a way that sings to academics and non-academics alike. Buss is one of them.This book should be on the shelf of anyone who studies romantic relationships, and will be delightful and informative reading for anyone who has been in a romantic relationship, is currently in a romantic relationship, or hopes to be in a romantic relationship.

Absolute Must Read!

My conception of love and jealousy has been forever altered. With both wit and an easy-to-understand engaging writing style, Buss combines the latest research on jealousy with unforgettable anecdotes and personal insight. To read the book is to take a journey through one's past loves and losses, and to preview the roadmap for future romantic relationships. This book is a must read, especially for couples looking to avoid the pitfalls that may have ended their previous relationships. You will NOT be disappointed. After you finish reading Dangerous Passions, be sure to buy a copy for your parents! It's the perfect anniversary/Valentine's Day gift, if it's future anniversaries/Valentine's Days you'd like your parents to see!