The Battle for Normality: A Guide for Self-Therapy for Homosexuality

by Gerard J.M. van den Aardweg

This book is primarily meant for those homosexuality afflicted persons who seek practical advice in order to change, or, at least, to constructively and responsibly deal with it. It is written with their needs, anxieties, and weaknesses in mind, as Dr. Van den Aardweg has learned them during more than 30 years of therapy with homosexual persons.

There is a need for such a practical guide because there are very few able therapists who want to help...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0898706149
• ISBN13: 9780898706147
• Release Date: March 1997
• Publisher: Ignatius Press
• Length: 157 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.3" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

Killing me softly with his song!!

Admittely, I had to be "ready" to read this book. I mean to say, first I had to accept homosexual acts as wrong, and then I had to accept the possibility of change. What I like about this book is that even though he doesn't pull any punches, he explains why he says these things. I have to admit that page by page, he was talking about me, both in my environmental circumstances and in my behavior. I could say, "Yes he's right on target!" If you are already thinking that there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, then this book is hardly for you. This is not a "gay affirming" book, but if you feel like, as I do, that there are other things in your life that you couldn't understand, then this book may help explain it. It's not an easy book to read, but I felt so much better after I read it. It makes a lot of sense. The man has had extensive work in the field, so he is hardly coming from left field in his observations.

a tough love therapy

Things change. When I read the first book of Van Den Aardweg many years ago, I revolted. Now I sincerely believe that his theory on the causes of homosexuality is the best one around: there is no doubt in my mind that fifty years from now, this book will be listed as the first comprehensive explanation model (it will take some time before that happens because of the ideological approach contemporary culture takes toward homosexuality: in the end, sound science always prevails, however).So why did I change my mind? Back then, I just started therapy. I was depressed, afraid of aids, fed up with my endless relationships (the sex was good, but the rest quite unfulfilling) , and just looking for an exit out of my gay lifestyle without really believing that any exit existed. Not much happened till I found by chance the books of Van Den Aardweg. And believe me: even though, lukewarmingly, I wanted to change, I didn't like at all what I read: who likes to be called a neurotic little boy, filled with self-pity, and still complaining about the fact that he felt so lonely in adolescence and such a failure as a boy? I felt offended, rejected, and for months my mind just ground around to find counterarguments: no, it it is not selfpity, my loneliness was real, etc. But at the same time I was fascinated because about everything was recognizable: yeah, my mother had been dominating me in a suffocating way, and my father hadn't been much of a father to me, so that indeed I didn't get very well equipped to succeed as a boy among boys. Puberty had indeed been hell. Lonely, more or less friendless, feeling quite a failure, and taking refuge into the one thing I seemed good at, being intelligent. And I remembered how I had longed in endless daydreams for the friends I didn't have, how I had admired guys who were, in my perception, "real boys", and yeah, it were those basically sad feelings that somehow got sexualized and made me say by 18 "I am gay". In the months after reading Aardweg's book, I decided that it basically came down to this question: I either had been "different" since adolescence because I had been gay all the time, though without explictly knowing that (that was the solution that my "gay side" wanted to prove), or I had been "different", in the sense of lonely, feeling inferior in comparison to "real boys", and that had caused my gayness (Aardweg's position). I went up and down for a long time, but finally I guess the most objective part of my mind just admitted that Aardweg's position was right. That admission enabled me to break thru the shame and pain of having felt a "failure" and hiding it behind an overcompensation screen of intelligence. Subsequently I began to make big and remarkable emotional leaps, which would, over a period of some years, result in the fading away of most of my homosexual feelings (jump on it, gay refuters: I admit, there is still something left) and the emergence of more and more he

A Life Saver!

Van dem Aardweg clearly explains (with substantial documentation of scientific literature) that no genetic factors determine a person's sexual orientation. On the contrary, such individuals developed such a neurosis from feeling isolated from their male peers as adolescents (either because they were not good in sports or the like) and then developing a chronic attitude of feeling sorry for oneself. In addition, van dem Aardweg explains in no uncertain terms the self-serving motives of the Gay Lobbiests, the unscientific studies which they promote, and the damage that they cause. The author also analyzes the reasons for the backsliding of many homosexuals who attempt to cure their homosexuality through Christianity. A truly profound book which bears reading and rereading. Having struggled with homosexual thoughts for many years, I noticed a review of this book on the NARTH Web site last year. After internalizing the contents of this book and finding a psychologist (recommended by NARTH) with whom I explored this subject matter, my ulcers dissappeared, my depression dissipated, and I am more satisfied with my life than ever before.

Simplistic and confident approach.

Dr. Van den Aardweg approaches the topic of homosexuality and seems to have an answer for all the questions about the topic.While I don't agree with all of his philosophies on the disorder (and yes, it IS a disorder--I speak from experience)--he makes a very clear and unargumentative statement about the core motives of homosexuality: the homosexual person, deep down, desires his gender identity.Dr. Van den Aardweg's therapeutic methods are sort of that of a football coach. If you want to change, this is what you do, and you have to bust your butt to do it! With this, however, he shows that compassion and love to the person, APART from the problem, is the key. An excellent read for anyone who is remotely interested in the topic, the subject matter is clear and easy to understand.

Helpful Information that Unhappy Gays will want to know.

This book provides real practical help to those who are unhappy with their homosexual desires. The first part is the theory of homosexuality (which boils down to the fact that it is a neurosis involving a gender inferiority complex, coupled with a strong tendency to self-pity), the second gives many practical suggestions about how to overcome unwanted homosexual impulses. A reader whose conscience tells him that homosexuality is not for him will find moral support and help, rather than simply being told that he has to accept himself the way he is and there is nothing he can do about it. It is written for Christians and certain references to spiritual matters might irritate some readers. Doubtless this book will have its critics, but the suggestions it gives work. This reader knows from experience.