Real Boys' Voices

by William S. Pollack, Todd Schuster, Todd Shuster

Book Overview

What real boys have to say

"A lot of people use words like 'psycho' or 'wacko' to refer to people who are feeling glum or think they might want to take their own life. I think these sorts of slang terms create further isolation in a teen, and that's not what you want to do to a teen who already feels alone" --Alexander, 18, from a small town in the South

"A guy is supposed to be strong, tall, and fast and have the qualities of an ideal...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0141002948
• ISBN13: 9780141002941
• Release Date: May 2001
• Publisher: Penguin Books
• Length: 432 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.0" x 5.4" x 8.3"
• Age Range: 18 years and up
• Grade Range: Postsecondary and higher

Customer Reviews

Testimonies to augment theories

This is a jarring and eye-opening collection of voices often unheard in our culture. It is highly recommended that this book NOT be read until one has looked at his first REAL BOYS offering. The first work povides the theorectcal context within which these testimonies are most powerful. This is valuable reading not only for counselors and parents, but for pastors, teachers, and all who work with or care about boys and their lives.

Boys Have Feelings Too!

A real eye opener for any parent who is trying to find what their son is thinking, feeling and doing when their not looking. Boys are not always what we try to create by the way we treat them, the toys we give them and the ideals we teach them. Boys need love and understanding just like girls do. Dr. Polock identifies who boys really are from the inside out. He then gives parents insight on nurturing boys into healthy well adjusted men. As the author of The Voucher System Behavior Management Program I recomend this book to any parent raising a son.

Ophelia Isn't the Only One to Speak

As the Ophelia Speaks of the opposite sex, this book gives great in sight to what our young men must go through in our society today. After reading this in conjunction with Real Boys, I was encouraged to think about what we could do as a community not to protect our children, but to help them go through their journeys of adolesence in a healthy and growing manner. I believe it is important to understand our children's individual experiences- along with their thoughts and concerns; all of which older generations have not dealt with before. This is vital in raising intelligent, respectful, confident men and women.

Caring Relief for Boys in Pain

Psychologist William Pollack has done an important service in talking with and listening to boys 10-20 across the country about what is important to them and what causes them pain. And they have a lot of pain. In a recent book, Undoing Depression, I learned that there is an epidemic of depression in young people, and these stories certainly underscore that observation. The sources are many: Not being able to share their emotions with others; not wanting to live up to the macho code of the strong, silent type; uncertainties about sex; teasing and being teased; homophobia; pressure to succeed; a lack of spirituality in every day life; being unsure of what kind of man they want to become; fear of causing or experiencing violence; abuse; concerns about body image; addictions; loss; divorce; bigotry; and the lack of creative outlets that are deemed socially appropriate.I found the stories so painful to read that I could seldom do more than 60 pages in a sitting. Then I would have to take a day or two off. I feel very sad for all of these boys and young men. I do hope you will read this book and follow its lessons. Adults can make a big difference.The good news is that the boys and young men do want to share their feelings, and they do want advice. But adults have to relate differently to them in order to get them to open up and absorb the new information. Pollack has lots of good advice along that line, and the boys themselves tell about when and how they feel comfortable talking. And talking is important to healing all of this pain, because the boys and young men don't realize that almost every other young person is in pain, as well. So they feel doubly bad by seeing themselves as deficient in some way that others don't experience.The solutions seem to relate to reducing the stress on the young people and helping them to communicate their feelings. Then, they need to adopt a new ideal of being who they are, not what they think everyone wants them to be. "They want to find people who love them just the way they are."Some of the many important suggestions include: (1) Creating many accessible "shame-free" zones. These are places where mentoring can take place where a boy can "unwind, let loose, and be his real self." They need this at home as well as at school. Whenever the emotions overwhelm the young person, he has a place to go for help.(2) The boy needs an at-home and an at-school mentor who will provide guidance, love, and support. These do not have to be men.(3) Learn how to help the young person describe what he is feeling.(4) Share your own doubts about the gender code of being a strong, silent type. (5) Share you own observations about different ways that it is okay to be a real man.(6) Build trust. (7) Mentoring should include physical activities, especially sports, as well as talking.(8) Help boys and young men to become mentors for others.(9) Create effective programs to "

My Life in Book Form

This book touched me in a way I never thought a book could. As a 15 year-old unathletic boy, I thought that I was alone in feeling the things I felt (and feel). Yesterday I found this book by accident, and I could not put it down. I read the entire thing last night, and I cried. In this country, boys and men are not supposed to show any kind of emotion, talk about their feelings, least of all cry. This is a serious problem that is leading to the stereotype that men are incapable of talking and are emotionless. This is NOT true. This pressure to bottle up our emotions drives us to suicide, drug abuse, drinking, and homocide. This pressure is killing us. And, finally, someone has had the courage to go around the country, listening, in an effort to defeat this horrible stereotype, which he calls the "Boy Code." Dr. Pollack, I commend you, and I urge you to keep fighting for us; we really need help.