No Reptiles on the Mountain

By Geoffrey Moehl II

Billy Vance was finally home. He was not planning on a sequel.

Then his uncle's bootleg snow attraction ripped open another portal.

Billy lands on a winter mountain in Japan wearing cargo shorts, Crocs, and a tank top. He has a glitching JRPG HUD, his heavy auto-shop backpack, and Snappy, his curious pet alligator. Snappy has been re-rendered as a tiny frost wyrm with sneeze-based weather powers.

The mountain is real, no matter what Billy's screen says. So are the rule-bound shrine maiden, the silent monks, and the shadow scout who keeps appearing where she should not be.

Billy has no sword. He knows no spells. He has duct tape, a wrench, and the bad habit of treating ancient problems like broken air conditioners.

If he wants to get home, he will have to learn how to help people who do not fit into quest boxes.

A warm, funny portal adventure about found family, practical magic, and one very useful alligator.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0H68QW1KZ
• ISBN13: 9798183645163
• Release Date: June 2026
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 242 Pages
• Weight: 0.72 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.0" x 9.0"