Mother Shock: Tales from the First Year and Beyond -- Loving Every (Other) Minute of It

by Andrea J. Buchanan

Book Overview

According to Andrea Buchanan, "Mother shock" is the state in which many new parents exist during those first confusing, chaotic and often comical years of parenting. It is the clash between expectation and result, theory and reality. It is the twilight zone of 24-hour-a-day living; where life is no longer neatly divided into day and night; the triple-impact of hormonal imbalance, sleep deprivation, and physical exhaustion. It is the stress of trying...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1580050824
• ISBN13: 9781580050821
• Release Date: April 2003
• Publisher: Seal Press (CA)
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.5" x 7.5"

Customer Reviews

Fabulous

I personally thought this book was great and it seems very honest, although I wouldn't know, I don't have kids yet. But I gave it to a pregnant friend who said the tone was really quite depressing and she might prefer to read it AFTER the baby was born. Another friend who'd had a baby said she couldn't relate, and that she'd coped quite well with her baby - maybe she was just lucky. All in all, yes, some of the book was depressing, but I'm kind of expecting the first few months of having a baby to be both depressing and fabulous, so good on her for being honest and telling it ALL..not just the Hallmark moments!

I felt understood

I thought I was ready for motherhood - how hard could this be? I was very unprepared and once in it, felt alone, not understood by my husband and a guilty because I wasn't enjoying it as much as I thought I was supposed to. This book brought me back. I was in the book store with my baby, thumbing through books and picked up this one. I happened to open to one page that read as it if were my life. I was so overwhelmed to see it, to finally have SOMEONE understand (even if a book), that I broke down crying in the store. Needless to say, I bought the book and read it right away. It really changed how I felt about being a mother and sort of opened up the world to me to let me know that I was not the only one having a hard time. And from then on, things got easier and I was happier. A definite must have for all moms and moms-to-be. Now, I too am looking for a double stroller :) Just a side note, I also read Anne Lamont's Operating Instructions. I prefered Mother Shock, mostly because Operating Instructions gets depressing in the end. It switches from talking about her new baby to her best, best friend who is diagnosed with cancer, becomes very ill and eventually passes away. I didn't need anything that heavy when I was looking for mothering support and/or humor.

I wish I had read this earlier...

AWESOME BOOK!!! It is the whole truth and nothing but the truth! Having a baby is a wonderful thing, but its HARD, and no one is really honest about how hard it is. This book tells it like it is and allows you to laugh at all those terribly difficult times. It also helps you realize that you are not alone - most women have felt the same EXACT things you are. I wish I had read this before having my baby - I wouldn't have been so hard on myself. I now buy this book for all my pregnant friends. If you are pregnant or have a newborn (even if its not your first)... you really should read this. I think you'll love it!

I laughed, cried and bought it for all my friends

FINALLY! A real account of motherhood, what an absoulte blessing. I am saving my copy in a special place to give to my own two daughters when they are ready to have children. It was like Andrea had read my mind and carefully pulled out my deepest feelings, my darkest fears. As the mother of three, at times I have felt completely alone. After reading Mother Shock I am relieved to know that I am not the only one who has found motherhood to be the best and the worst experience all rolled up into one messy, lovely little package.

Loving Every Word of It

We are a culture that discourages mothers from discussing their doubts, insecurities, fears, and failures as mothers. We want motherhood to seem ordinary, not extraordinary. But to see the heroism in motherhood, we must explode the myth that it is easy and ordinary by acknowledging the dark elements that are part of the whole experience of motherhood. Heroes are recognized as heroic because they do what is difficult, because they venture into the darkness. We need to reveal motherhood in all its shades to counteract what we see in mainstream magazines. Articles like "10 ways to lose the baby weight" and "5 Steps to Making Time for Yourself" trivialize the intense, life-altering heroic adventure that is motherhood. Motherhood is subject worthy of more complex treatment, worthy, even, of literary discussion. MOTHER SHOCK meets this need. I applaud Andi Buchanan's vision, her honesty, her style, and her heroism. The book is based on an analogy between mother shock and culture shock, which plays out beautifully in the four part structure, with each chapter representing a different stage of mother shock: mother love; mother shock; mother tongue; and mother land. The author defines "mother love" as a honeymoon stage of maternal bliss, "where the newness of the experience is exciting rather than overwhelming." Mother shock, in contrast, is a period when lack of sleep, missing cultural cues, shaky confidence, and unmet expectations combine to create crisis, even postpartum depression. Mother tongue describes a time when mothers become more "acclimated to the routine of living with an infant" and learn to "speak the language." Finally, mother land tells of adjustment to the new role of mother. The journey is worth following.MOTHER SHOCK is not written in memoir style; rather the individual essays draw from ideas germinated in Buchanan widely syndicated web column, "The Dark Side" on her web site, ... . Quotes and definitions at the beginning of each section set the stage for what follows, and the essays are nicely selected to fit each description. I especially liked that the author didn't stick to chronology. I gained a broader sense of her development as a mother from grouping essays from different time periods together. It made each chapter seem less driven by a "thesis"--to prove this stage of development--and more by a common connecting thread, loosely woven. In addition, the style is clean, tight, and direct. The pacing is quick, and moves the reader along with grace. The alternating uses of pathos and humor kept me guessing and intrigued, laughing as well as crying. The changes in format, some pieces written in journal style (aka Anne Lamontt), some as lighter, more humorous essays, and some as deeper, more philosophical reflections, helped give the book variety, like a well-made quilt, with parts that harmonize with the whole. The depth of intelligence and insight, too, set this book apart, making it an antidote to the few, careful, person