Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice

by Ken Dolan Del Vecchio

Book Overview

Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice brings the cutting edge of relationship therapy to the mass market. Family therapist and organizational consultant Ken... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1933368683
• ISBN13: 9781933368689
• Release Date: January 2008
• Publisher: Soft Skull
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.60 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.5" x 8.2"

Customer Reviews

Thought Provoking

This is a masterfully written book! It takes the elements of male power and demonstrates its use and mis-use by typical examples clearly written. I think of myself as someone who is aware of the power politics of relationships but was amazed at all I didn't know but was obvious after the author pointed them out. After reading this book, I knew I had to make some changes in my life and my relationships. I can say unequivocally that this was one of the best books I have read in recent times. I highly recommend this book to anyone who does not live alone on a desert island; or is in or wants to be in an equal and caring relationship!

OMG ... this is powerful, unbelievable!!!

Seriously folks, this book should be given to every newly engaged couple. Why wait until there are relationship problems? I bought this book to help me understand why I bail - to help me understand men and, ok, myself. The author not only explains how power inequities and male privilege corrupts relationships but demonstrates ways of changing learned behavior. Even more importantly though, he illustrates this in a respectful, non-judgmental manner. I'm writing from a layman's point of view and all I can say is that I have been searching for inner peace, happiness, and a real relationship for 40+ years now. I feel this is the FIRST book that will truly guide me to this place of being.

Not just another self-help book

Not just another self-help book with the expected psychobabble. This is an important book that in clear direct language discusses issues of relationship that are often just outside our sensibilities. It's an easy read with clear examples, suggestions and case stories. It has an audience for gay/straight, man/woman, rich/poor.....anyone who is in relationship with another human being. It is an important tool that I use in my private practice to facilitate discussion about topics often unexplored in the context of human dynamics. Mr. Dolan-Delvecchio is articulate, aware and courageous. Dr. Shirley Cresci, NJ

The Real and Accurate Answers to Relationship Questions

Excellent! A new kind of book--it shows how things in our society affect the intimacy of our personal lives, and vice versa. In straightforward language and by numerous examples, Dolan-Del Vecchio, gives men and women knowledge and tools for building relationships based on fairness and mutual respect. He draws a compelling connection between the things most men and women come to think of as normal--men should be dominant, aggressive, decisive, individualistic, and emotionally closed; women should expect these difficulties and try to help men become more completely human. And by unmasking "traditional" masculinity, he depicts the ways in which men often unwittingly derail their most important relationships (whether they want to admit it or not). Lest other societal concerns be ignored, thank the author! he includes writing about the epidemic of dating and domestic violence. (As you read these sections, you realize the obvious connections to the rules established by society, culture, etc.) The reader will see how the oppressive influence of patriarchy, racism, sexism, and homophobia show up in their daily lives, everywhere. If you don't know these words (I didn't), you should, you will because the book gives specific recommendations for individuals and couples on how to resist their influence. If you're perplexed over the scratch hardness of relationships, the seeming elusive how/what/why, or know someone who is, this book shows the way. Now, the message is out there!

Gender, Race, Sexual Orientarion, Money and Power

Dolan-Del Vecchio, Ken. "Making Love, Playing Power: Men, Women, and the Rewards of Intimate Justice", Soft Skull Press, 2008. Gender, Race, Sexual Orientation, Money and Power Amos Lassen "Making Love, Playing Power" is an amazing book and although the title seems to indicate that it is meant for straight couples, there is a lot here that can be adapted for our community. Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, a family therapist and organizational consultant, looks at the theories of styles of communication and gender roles to find the real reason that many relationships today face a myriad of problems and he feels it s because power is misused. This affects not only individuals but nations and interest groups as well. The foundation of power is based upon not only money but upon race, sexual orientation and gender. And the power these provide does not include love. One simple statement leads to Dolan-Del Vecchio's thesis and that is that the reason that men do not listen is because they can get away with not listening. Naturally this is not something that men want to admit. The author shows how the connection between love and equality are stressed and then gives helpful suggestions on how to go about achieving both love and equality. The author looks at the issues head on and he does not hold back. Men will learn how to be men in terms of showing love and in the process they will recognize and learn to deal with ways of making changes in their lives. Many men feel that what they learn about being men interferes with their ability to love and Dolan-Del Vecchio takes the reader by the hand through a critical exploration of "love, manhood, and partnership in the contemporary world". This is a book that is invaluable as well as provocative and revolutionary. It seems strange that something as simple as fairness could be such a big issue but this book shows how it is. It is absolutely necessary for love to exist and shows how that without it, love quickly dies.