Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates: The Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic in Couples

By Stephen J. Betchen

Book Overview

When two people form a relationship or marry, they begin to move towards one another with the expectation of closeness. The emotionality or intensity that accompanies this process, however, may result in fusion followed by a desperate need for space or distance. Intrusive Partners - Elusive Mates is the first book to deal exclusively with the pursuer-distancer interaction, and to focus significant attention on the emerging male pursuer-female distancer dynamic. This book revisits Fogarty's work, traces the concept over time and across different professional fields, and discusses in detail the concepts correlation with gender issues and social change. A detailed, step-by-step model of treatment to aid in de-escalating this potentially problematic style is also offered. The model in and of itself is unique because it integrates psychoanalytic conflict theory and psychodynamic systems theory into one treatment approach. This book is intended to offer the therapist a model for understanding and effectively discussing this dynamic, while at the same time allowing couples to read and explore it on their own.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1138973300
• ISBN13: 9781138973305
• Release Date: November 2015
• Publisher: Routledge
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.78 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.0" x 9.0"

Customer Reviews

excellent guidance for couples therapists

Stephen Betchen's book very clearly describes this common couples dynamic. Using Betchen's work to guide me, I've helped many couples understand the pursuer-distancer pattern in their relationship. A must have for every couples' and sex therapist's shelf.

Excellent resource for Marriage and Family Therapists!

Mr. Betchen writes prolifically regarding this topic! It is poignant, with a very useful chapter on the 'how to's' of treating the Pursuer-Distancer dynamic. I wish I had this in my earlier years of training/education. I am now a believer in needing to have sex therapy education coupled with my marriage and family therapy skills to make more of an impact for my clients. This idea has unfortunately been missed in all my time in school and in the field. Outstanding reading!

A Second Generation Sex Therapy Clinical Guide

The book makes a complex ideas seem simple and invites couples therapists to work on multiple levels similtaneously. Dr. Betchen illuminates the pursuer-distancer concept through a plethoria of case examples. He then provides treatment plans and insights into the process of therapy. These tools allow the practitioner to integrate Betchen's ideas into a variety of treatment approaches. "Intrusive Partners-Elusive Mates" is an expertise building addition to the library of anyone interested in relationship work.

Excellent book for couples interested in better understanding their relationship

As someone who's always been interested in relationships, I thoroughly enjoyed this book! Dr. Stephen J. Betchen has taken a complex psychological pattern that's common among couples--the pursuer-distancer dynamic--and written about it in a way that's helpful to therapists who treat the problem and accessible to everyday readers who want to better understand their own behavior and relationships. Drawing on his clinical experience and research, the author examines how couples use sex, work and family to pursue each other and distance from each other; he includes many case studies, which gives the reader a picture of what it would be like to participate in couples counseling. (And contrary to conventional wisdom, it's not always the woman who does the pursuing and the man who does the distancing. Dr. Betchen also writes about the male pursuer-female distancer.) I highly recommend this book to anyone who's interested in better understanding his or her behavior in the context of a committed relationship. It's a fast and informative read!

Readable insight for couples and marital therapists

In this book, the author has taken what we all see in our everyday lives, the couple that swings between closeness and distancing, and combined a theoretical approach with a manageable therapeutic model using examples that we all can identify with. There is humor and inclusiveness...gay and lesbian couples, distancing women and pursuing men as well as the classic pursuing women and distancing men. I recommend this book to therapists as well as the individual trying to figure out why their partner and they rarely seem to be on the same page at the same time...