I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) : Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

by Brené Brown

Book Overview

Researcher, thought leader, and New York Times bestselling author Bren Brown offers a liberating study on the importance of our imperfections--both to our relationships and to our own sense of self The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we're...

Customer Reviews

Finding courage, stunning read

This is a book about shame. Resist the urge to be turned off, and at least read the rest of the review. You may become curious enough to pick up a copy of the book, and that might just change your life. That's right. Dr. Brene Brown has spent more than ten years wrestling down a topic that has kept millions of women captive by its power to isolate and immobilize. But, knowledge is power, and this book delivers a strong dose of empowering information about shame. It's the right medicine for the time. Brown writes that shame is primarily about the fear of disconnection--the fear of being perceived as flawed and unworthy of acceptance. When you feel shame, it is an intensely personal experience. You feel alone. Yet in reality, every one of us experiences shame. While this experience is visceral and painful, it does not have to be incapacitating. Through her extensive research, Dr. Brown has discerned how to develop shame resilience. In this book, she teaches you how to recognize shame triggers, how to develop critical awareness of shame issues, and how to destroy the power of shame through connection and empathy. This is a real book for real women. Every one of us is affected by shame, and every one of us could find more freedom by learning how to develop shame resilience. Shame thrives on silence. But we don't have to be silent any more! As Brown says, "if we can find the courage to talk about shame and the compassion to listen, we can change the way we live, love, parent, work and build relationships." Fundamentally, this is a book about freedom. Shame has a hold on our lives in more ways than we realize, and Dr. Brown clearly explains what it takes to break the power of shame. This is a book to read and to pass along to as many friends as possible. What would our world look like if every woman found the courage to speak in her own voice? I for one would like to find out. Armchair Interviews says: An outstanding book packed with powerful and hopeful information on the pervasive problem of shame in women.

Helpful and Insightful

After Dr. Brown presented her shame research to the teachers at my school, I went out and bought her book. Dr. Brown's book has helped me become a better teacher and a better mom. She puts a name to what stops us from being ourselves. Dr. Brown takes away the fear of felling alone, like I am the only one this has ever happened to in the world, when in fact, most women experience many of the similar things. Thank you Dr. Brown.

Well Done

I had the interesting experience of having a patient recommend this book to me. Like the previous reviewer I'm often skeptical of pop psychology and self-help books. Human problems are always simplified and too many writers are eager to offer a quick fix. I read with a critical eye and found this book to be extremely helpful, based on solid, original research and tied to the work of some of the foremost authorities on shame and human behaviour (how can one dismiss her references to the Stone Center and Helen Block Lewis). Ironically, most of the references in the index are academic in nature (or organisations supporting research). I was able to locate her academic work and it indeed provides details on her methodology and a more thorough list of references but is far less interesting to read. If Prof. Brown was setting out to write a book that is interesting, accessible and quite helpful, I believe she is spot on.

Powerful book and an engaging read

To be perfectly upfront, I would like to acknowledge that I am a friend and colleague of the author, Brené Brown. But also to be perfectly upfront, I would really appreciate her book even if I was not. This book is powerful in its scope and impact as it lays out what shame is, how women respond to shame, and how women can respond differently to shame in order to become shame resilient. Brené helps women identify what their shame triggers are, how to develop a critical awareness about how shame is impacted by larger forces in our lives, such as media images of extremely thin and beautiful women, how women can reach out to others, and how to learn to "speak shame." As Brené was writing the book and I was reading early drafts, I was already learning to apply her concepts to my life. For instance, previously when I experienced a shameful moment I would curl up in a little ball of pain, constantly replay the shamming incident in my head, castigate myself over and over, and then wait for the passage of time to relieve some of my symptoms, although even years later I could get flashbacks of the event and the accompanying pain. Today, due to Brené and her book, I react very differently. I call multiple friends and share my painful story and seek out comfort, caring, and empathy. I begin to "contexualize" the shameful event, that is, I see how political, economic, and social forces have shaped my personal experiences. For instance, that expectation that women must be "superwoman" juggling kids, work, partners" perfectly, which is an unreasonable expectation that no woman can live up to. That helps put my experience into context and allow me to see the broader picture. This book is a gift to women from a committed scholar and researcher. Although the hype on many books is that "it will change your life," this book has that potential. And it doesn't hurt that it is written in an accessible, friendly tone with many stories to illustrate her ideas that will make you both laugh and cry. I highly recommend the book. I predict it will be one of those books you read and then go out and buy for your mother and sisters and best friend. I know I did.