How to Want What You Have: Discovering the Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary Existence

by Timothy Miller

Book Overview

Convincing readers that wanting what they have is the secret of happiness, the author offers a practical method to achieve this end by applying principles of compassion, attention, and gratitude to... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0805033173
• ISBN13: 9780805033175
• Release Date: January 1994
• Publisher: Henry Holt & Company
• Length: 265 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.1" x 5.8" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Timeless Wisdom Made Accessible and Practical

This is a funny sort of book. It is an incredible masterpiece disguised as a gimmecky self-help book. The presentation is clear, and demonstrative, yet the effectiveness is so subtle that you might not notice at first that your outlook on the world is changing, and that you actually feel quite better.Don't get me wrong. By no means is this a feel-good, spirit-lifting, rah-rah kind of book. The tone of the author is almost pessimistic, and yet (and perhaps as a result), the benefit is undeniably powerful.Timothy Miller provides such a copious number of examples, that it almost seems a joke at first. In truth, the examples are each vivid in their own way, and the force of the combined examples shows why this book isn't on the best seller list: it will require constant effort on your part. But that effort isn't so challenging, it's just almost completely unnatural.Our instincts make us unhappy, because they cause us to always want more than we have, and so we almost guaranteed to be unhappy with what we currently have, regardless of how much that is. A perfect example that Mr. Miller points out is when an acquaintance of his said she knew what he meant when he said that people don't usually show gratitude for what they have. "It's like how the rich are never happy with what they have because there is always someone richer," she said. The woman was surprised by his response. "It's exactly like that," he replied, "just as you are are not happy with what you have, even though by almost any standard around the world, you are fabulously wealthy, but there are still people with more money than you."But the steps to achieving happiness with what we have are deceptively simple. They are basically, (1) notice that others want basically the same things you do for the same reasons, (2) be aware of what you are doing and feeling, and do it and feel it completely, and (3) practice being thankful for the incredible gifts you currently have. Again, Miller's perfect examples provide a good working basis to allow you to get started doing this yourself.One final comment. At first I was quite annoyed by the tone of the book (I'm listening to an audio version). Dr. Miller appears to be almost depressingly pessimistic. At about a third of the way through the tape, I found it almost funny. Later, I thought the tone actually helped make the book very profound and accessible. If these practices can work for Dr. Miller, they can work for anyone.

Wisdom for the True Insiders

Tim Miller's book is the Real Thing: a synthesis of the best of a multitude of religious and philosophical traditions which is directly applicable to twenty-first century everyday life. Its language is clear; its ideas are sound; and despite its initial burst of success, it has temporarily gone out of print. This is a catastrophic loss since Miller is so clear-eyed, pragmatic, objective, and honest. His directions for practicing a life of Compassion, Attention, and Gratitude are as profound as they are simple and understandable.I reread a few pages of Miller each evening to keep me focused. Miller is not into giving seminars or proselytizing. In a sense, this is unfortunate: his ideas could transform our modern moral landscape more powerfully than virtually any of the other "movements" of our era.Walter Kaufmann is my hero for academic philosophizing; Tim Miller is my hero for bread-and-butter daily living.Ye who have ears to hear and eyes to see: get with it, dude!

An Ancient Idea - More Relevant Than Ever

The idea that desire lies at the heart of all human suffering is certainly not a new concept, being one of the fundamental tenets of Buddhist teaching. So kudos for anyone in this day and age of SUVs and cosmetic surgery who would be a voice in the wilderness for such a wise old idea.Supported by the three-legged stool of Compassion, Attention and Gratitude, we have hope of wiggling out from under our insatiable desires and for once being happy and at peace. It's a little difficult to get some of these concepts across on tape at any reasonable depth of understanding and I several times had the urge to grab pen and paper at the start of one of the various enumerations. This is one case where the audio medium may fall short of the written word, but I found listening to the tape a second time filled in the gaps pretty well. Besides, it's hard to drive and read.I think someone interested in this subject will find several other works very worthwile reading. The first is "The Miracle Of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh, which addresses "Attentiveness" as described on the tape - the art of living in the present moment. This concept is so important that "A Course In Miracles" devotes a great deal of attention to it, referred to as the "Holy Instant". It's hard to be unhappy when the regrets of the past and anxiety about the future are both "out of the picture"!A second worthwhile investment might be "Lovingkindness - The Revolutionary Art Of Happiness" by Sharon Salzberg. The word "Lovingkindness" is perhaps more appropriate than "Unconditional Love" or "Charity" or "Compassion". In our society, we're not schooled in these concepts and our language reflects this. Lovingkindness can be a great source of happiness.Gratitude is simply Thankfulness - something we frequently forget makes us happy as well!Despite the rather amusing connotations that ancient spiritual concepts have been "verified" by the modern sciences, this is intrinsically powerful material.

A Must Read For All Depresives

I am a sufferer of depression. I've had three bouts with it, the last one landing me in a psych ward, a very good one I might add. The therapist I saw after that recommended I read this book and it is one of the most influential books I have read in my life. I highly recommend anyone who is prone to depression to read this stellar work. It gives a whole new perspective on how one should look at every aspect of everyday life, especially the mundane. It has impacted my life profoundly. If anyone suffers from depression, I know all too well what it's like. I can't stress strongly enough...GET THIS BOOK!

A cognitve therapy manual, a modern Buddhist classic.

In this truly important book, deceptive in its amazing simplicity, Timothy Miller manages to link ancient wisdom and modern cognitive therapy to illuminate a way of living that can bring counsel and happiness to many ofus always striving for more. Cognitive therapy teachesthat we make ourselves unhappy because we cling to irrational ideas, and there are lists of the main irrational ideas people have. Miller argues that there is only a fundamental one: to want a little more, which wethink is opposed to wanting a lot more, but that is in fact opposed to wanting what we have. Perhaps you are notconvinced but would like to explore this proposition, perhaps you already agree but don't know how to live in accord with it, perhaps you already live in this way but want to hear it in other words, like listening to a knownmusic just for pleasure. In either case, this book is for you