Hell is a Goldfish

By F.A. Stone

"This author is going to hell" - Beta ReaderWhen Luke Glass wakes up 5,000 years before the universe was scheduled to begin, he finds himself alone in an empty void with nothing but time and a pre-determined death date of 11.75 forevers.

He is then waterboarded by God with all the knowledge of the universe, including all the lives he could ever live and the realization that he was born completely alone. Upon reviewing all of his lives he realizes that no matter what life he makes for himself, they all end the same way: a goldfish absorbs him in the end.

Realizing there is not a single thing he can call his own, he plans to murder the goldfish to spite God in the hope that he can finally enjoy free will and autonomy. While pursuing this seemingly impossible task, he befriends a mysterious talking fish named Red, he is granted a strange superpower to generate or possibly steal unlimited lampshades and builds a small life for himself while he fights to remain sane.

Terrified to be alone, but also wanting something to call his own, Luke leaves the safety of his home and drags Red begrudgingly along for the ride. As they work together to simultaneously kill and avoid the invincible goldfish, the universe begins to crack under the weight of their actions, their unbreakable bond of friendship literally breaking the universe.

As the apocalypse looms before them, Luke will need to choose between escaping from his cursed destiny or accompanying his best friend to the bitterest end.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0FYC4Q1C6
• ISBN13: 9798271726002
• Release Date: November 2025
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 264 Pages
• Weight: 0.58 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.0" x 8.0"