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Paperback Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition Book

ISBN: 0805087001

ISBN13: 9780805087000

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

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Customer Reviews

5 ratings

Working much faster than anticipated!

We're an average couple with a toddler and all the accompanying stresses that finally brought all our relationship problems to the boiling point. When I found myself saying "I can't take this anymore" I decided to get the book because I'd heard good things about it. The text section at the beginning of the book completely made sense to me, so I asked my husband if he'd be willing to commit to doing the exercises with me. It's a commitment of one 1-2 hour session each week for 10 weeks. My husband was up for the plan, so we started it out.Here we are 3 weeks into the exercises, and our marriage is better than it's been at least since our son was born. We found that the simple act of signing our agreements to work through all the exercises in good faith and then doing week 1 (creating a common vision for your relationship) lifted a lot of tension and allowed us to be able to give each other the benefit of the doubt more easily. After slogging through the tough stuff of week 2 and then sharing it with each other in week 3 we seem to be closer than I can remember us being since the initial glow of infatuation wore off. I'm actually starting to look forward to our weekly sessions instead of dreading them as something we had to do because we didn't want to split up.Some of the reviewers of this book sound like it's got a magic incantation that you can say that will make your relationship fixed in an instant. That's not the case at all. It *does* give you the tools to help yourselves *if you want to*. You're still going to have to sit down and talk about it and write it down and think about yourself and what you really want and what you've been fooling yourself about. But the exercises are designed to bring you just as far as you need to go each week without overwhelming you. Some of the exercises seem a little hokey, but laughing at the language helped us bond a little more, so who cares? It's working so far. I'll post again in a few weeks when we're further into it to give an updated view.

It brought me comfort and understanding

My relationship of 16 months has been faltering for 8 months. Three weeks ago my girlfriend told me she "didn't want to be with me anymore." I was devastated. I've spent the last three weeks living and re-living all the events of our relationship and have talked to friends for hours ad-nauseum.The relationship started out so well. We had been acquaintences for 8 years. Friends for 2 1/2 years and finally entered into a relationship 16 months ago. The stages of our relationship eerily followed the book. My pain, confusion and loss was all-consuming. I could find no understanding within myself, no peace and no answers. Then one of my friends recommended I read this book. I had gone through a "self-help book" craze 9 years ago for another issue I was dealing with. Although I did find some answers after reading so many books I ended up overdosing on them and haven't read one since. I was not enthusiastic at all about revisiting the "self-help" area again. But I opened the book and read the first couple sentences and knew immediately...instinctively...that this was the book that would be able to help me understand many of the issues we must face in relationships....why we are attracted to certain people and not others...what happens to relationships once you get comfortable with the other person and you begin to lower your "guard"...why many of the things you do to try to "fix" your partner actually do more to drive the partner away.As other readers have noted, this book will not be effective for immature readers. Although I am a bit wary of psychologists that embrace a single theory to explain behavior, I found the rest of this book valuable and directly applicable to my life.Thank God for this book. It has enabled me to have my first good night sleep in three weeks. Even if your partner lacks the maturity to absorb, understand and apply the message in this book, it will give -you- the tools you need to ensure a better relationship in the future. Thank you Dr Hendrix for writing this book!

Life Changing!!!

Let me start by saying I am not a self-help book devotee. That said, this book has revolutionized my relationship with my husband and taken it to a new level. BUT... I recommend this book for only those seriously committed to REALLY wanting an honest, soul-fully deep relationship. This is not a quick fix book full of easy answers. If you are looking for a book to tell you how to fix your partner or get them to be what you want them to be, don't buy this book. To make the concepts in Getting The Love You Want work, it takes a tremendous amount of gut wrenchingly honest introsepction, humility, willingness to do things completely differently, and total selflessness. It's hard work.But if you do what this book suggests, your life will be forever changed ... in all your relationships. This book has changed my life and enriched it beyond belief. I read the book - my husband didn't. Although he was not a proactive participant in the process, his life has been equally impacted and we are getting all we ever hoped for from each other.
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