Enough about You, Let's Talk about Me: How to Recognize and Manage the Narcissists in Your Life

by Les Carter

Book Overview

Those who are in the unenviable position of living or working with a narcissist have learned by sad trial and error that they are the only one in the relationship who can change the dynamic. Certainly... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0787980633
• ISBN13: 9780787980634
• Release Date: September 2005
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Length: 191 Pages
• Weight: 0.86 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 6.4" x 9.2"

Customer Reviews

learning to cope with narcissistic behavior

This was a really great book on learning to identify someone in your life who is narcissistic and effective ways of managing their behavior (and yours!!) People who are always right, whose ideas and plans must over ride all others, who manage to draw attention to themselves for every positive thing that they do (and why!!) and who somehow always manage to leave you feeling guilty and/or angry at the way the situation turns out.....these are the people that are written about in this book. The strategy for coping with and deflecting the behavior of a narcissist was well thought out and can be implemented by anyone..........it just takes a bit of thought and the refusal to join into the narcissists' game. I felt that this book had enough detail to inform and yet not overwhelm you. The look at the "heart" (they have one!?!?) of the narcissist was thought provoking but in the end the fact remains that you can not change that person no matter how hard you want to or how determined you may be. If you keep this individual in your life for whatever reason, you must learn to recognize their behavior and manage it in order for you to live a "normal" life.

A Very Helpful Book

I think that this is one of the best books on the subject of narcissism that I have ever read, and having a narcissist for a husband, I have read many. I disagree with the reviewers who found this book "religious" and "preachy". There are only a very few references to religion, and they definitely do not get in the way of the helpful information that this author provides. It is well written, and right on the money. For anyone who needs help in dealing with narcissistic people, this book is a must read. I can't wait to put all of the authors information to good use.

How to respond effectively to selfish and disruptive behavior

A close personal friend lent his copy of this book to me because he found it especially revealing and informative. Frankly, narcissism is not a subject in which I had much (if any) prior interest but I read it out of curiosity and increasing interest. I am pleased that I did. After reading this book, I was even more aware of the fact that -- over many years -- I had interacted with narcissists and, truth be told, had also been guilty of the same selfish and disruptive behavior. If I understand Carter's key points (and I may not), everyone can behave that way on occasion. However, there are certain individuals who (for whatever reasons) consistently think and behave narcissistically (if there is such an descriptive) and it is beneficial for those who interact with narcissists to understand that they share certain common characteristics which Carter identifies on page 7. For example: "An inability to empathize; that is, an inability to experience another person's feelings and perceptions from that person's point of view." The purpose of this book is to explain what narcissism is, and, to suggest how best to cope with it. Carter carefully organizes his material within ten chapters which range from "What Makes a Narcissist?" to "Replacing Bitterness with Forgiveness." Throughout his narrative, Carter makes every effort to help his reader to understand what narcissism is (and isn't), and to help those who associate with narcissists on a direct and frequent basis so that they can respond appropriately. That is, without anger (in Chapter 7, he explains how to remove fear "from the equation" ), to make a commitment to humility, to foster an inner security about themselves, and to "replace bitterness with forgiveness." Re this last point, I was especially interested in what Carter has to say about forgiveness, given the number of times I have encountered narcissism in one form or another: 1. First, I was confused. 2. Then I was angry. 3. Then I felt guilty about being angry. 4. Then I was angry about feeling guilt. 5. Then I felt guilty about being angry and... You get the idea. As Carter explains, narcissists have the power to activate a sequence such as this. In many instances, that seems to be their objective, whether they realize it or not. The net result is that a relationship with a narcissist can -- paradoxically -- shift attention to another person (creating confusion, guilt, anger, etc. in that person) so as to divert attention -- under the control of the narcissist -- from the narcissist's own inadequacies and thus, more often than not, enable the narcissist to sustain control of the relationship...and do so guilt free. I lack the formal training and professional experience to say much more about narcissism. However, I can assert that Carter has substantially increased my understanding of a pathology which (as previously noted) I had personally experienced but could not explain. One caveat: Beware of labeling a person a "narcissist" unles

A Must Read

I found this book extremely insightful. It not only explains what are the patterns of a Narcissist but author provides tools in how to deal with them. Very well written. If you have relationship(s) around you with people very controlling and manipulative and you find yourself playing the pleaser role in fear, then this book will be very useful to you. And this doesn't involve in trying to change them. Much of the learnings are about yourself and setting boundaries. Highly recommend it.

Excellent Read with Valuable Insights

I started reading this book on a Sunday and then I couldn't stop or put it down. By then end of the evening it was actually helping me communicate better with my narcissist and I woke up happier with myself on Monday! The book does an excellent job of explaining why these people behave the way they do, and then , what you need to do to help yourself. They won't change, and they will wear you down, you have to stop letting them control you and your emotions. The author does does a such great job with this book. What a help! I've read any number of "self-help" topic books that are bogus but this book is outstanding. If you have to deal with immature, selfish and self-centered people day in and day out (who are over the age of five) don't hesitate to order this book.