Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

by Melody Beattie

Book Overview

The #1 bestseller that has helped heal millions of readers, this modern classic holds the key to understanding codependency and unlocking its hold on your life.Melody Beattie's compassionate and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0894864025
• Release Date: January 1986
• Publisher: Hazelden
• Length: 229 Pages
• Weight: 0.88 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.0" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

NOT Like New

I expected the book to be used, but it is in atrocious shape. Pages balled up and stuck together. Truly a shameful way to take care of a book.

Condition is not “good”

Can there be a better standard for each quality rating? “Good” means ripped cover page, bend pages and full of highlights? The book content was great!

Helpful

good read

Like new? Bent pages

Pages and cover were bent and definitely not like new condition

Meh

The book itself was alright, I wouldn’t really recommend it. I paid for the excellent quality and the book was worn out, had highlights and tears.

This book is amazing!

This book is amazing!! I have been in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage for 19 years. This book helped me see what traits I have that set me up for failure in relationships. I am so grateful for the help this book has given me! A few quotes that helped me this book: - When we attempt to control people and things that we have no business controlling, we are controlled. Pg. 78 - The only person you can now or ever change is yourself. Pg. 79 - We wonder, shall we forever be victims? Probably, if we don't stop rescuing and caretaking. Pg. 86 - Rescuing or caretaking is not an act of love. Pg. 87 - Caretaking doesn't help; it causes problems. When we take care of people and do things we don't want to do, we ignore personal needs, wants, and feelings. - We consistently give more than we receive, then feel abused and neglected because of it. Pg. 89 - Not being centered in ourselves and not feeling emotionally secure with ourselves may trap us. We may become afraid to terminate relationships that are dead and destructive. We may allow people to hurt and abuse us, and that is never in our best interest. Pg. 100 - Decisiveness is hindered by worrying about what other people think. Pg. 164 - If we absolutely can't make a decision, then it's obviously not time to make that decision. When it is time, we'll be able to do it. And do it well. - When we quit trying to do the impossible, we are allowed to do the possible. Pg. 190 - Expecting healthy behavior from unhealthy people is futile; expecting different results from the same behavior is insane. Pg. 210 - Forgiving someone does not mean we have to let that person keep hurting us. Pg. 215 - We give in more until we are tolerating things we said we would never tolerate and doing things we said we would never do. Later, this process of increased tolerance of inappropriate behaviors may reverse. We may become totally intolerant of even the most human behaviors. In the beginning, we make excuses for a person's inappropriate behavior, toward the end, there is no excuse. - Not only do many of us begin tolerating abnormal, unhealthy, and inappropriate behaviors, we take it one step further: we convince ourselves these behaviors are normal and what we deserve. We may become so familiar with Verbal abuse and disrespectful treatment that we don't even recognize when these things are happening. Pg. 218 - If the relationship is dead,bury it. We can take oir time, work on ourselves, and we will be able to make the right decision when the time is right. Pg. 233

Book Advertised Not The Same

“I thought I was choosing the newer version of this book because that is the cover picture provided, instead I received the old 80’s cover. Had it been honestly represented I would not have purchased.” This review was taken from another review because I made the same mistake and ended up with an old edition copy.

Helpful

Really helped me several years ago, so I bought another recently.

Not helpful

This book was not helpful or have any information that I took anything away with. Disappointed.

My Upside-Down Life Found Balance and I'm Back On My Feet!

Instead of spending hours of your time, expressing how anxious and depressed I was, and for so many years, I'd share a few things that might tell my story of recovery in a more concise mode. I had everything but had nothing. I had been Senior Class President, Top 2% in the Country during College, successful in modeling and acting, selected as Volunteer of the Year for the State of Iowa and the list of "stuff" could go on an on. I was so empty inside myself that I didn't any longer know how I felt inside. I was losing any sense of who I was. I'd become someone that functioned to serve, protect, nurture, encourage, forgive and love someone that couldn't love back. I was with the same person, in a marriage, for almost 5 years, and woke up one morning and realized that the person next to me was a stranger who didn't know the real me. The person that my life revolved around, the person that I chose to take care of and "cover" for, just liked having me around so I could pick up the pieces and paint a picture of a relationship and a family that was like "Ozzie and Harriet" so that others would think that everything was just fine. I can't stand the word "fine" anymore. Nothing in my life was fine and it wasn't until I hit bottom and read "Codependent No More:How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself", that my life began to change. The book answered all of my questions and caused me to look deeply at myself and my situation and evalute how sick I was. Yes, I was the sick one in the relationship too. I thought that I was doing everything right or doing what was right for my relationship. But I didn't ever consider that my own personal cup was empty and the only person who could fill it with healthy things was me. I didn't know that I was controlling others as I only saw myself as a caring and loving person. What had happened is that I went overboard-WAY overboard to the point that I had stopped eating, started using pills to medicate my pain and refused to make changes in my life. I was scared. I didn't want to be alone in life. What I didn't realize is that I was already alone. I wanted to love and be loved. After reading this incredible book, I realized that I wasn't being loved. I was being used and abused and I needed to hit this emotional bottom before I would accept help. My therapist advised me to purchase "Codependent No More", by Melody Beattie AND to read it. I almost felt odd going into the self-help are of the book store. Little did I know that the healthiest place in any book store is the aisle that reads "Self Help"! I owe my life to this book and I thank all of the wonderful people who contributed to the stories in this book, that allowed me to move out of my relationship and to enter a long recovery period. I am still in the care of a therapist. Sometimes I act in a codependent fashion. The difference, however, is that I now see red flags that prevent me from getting too deep into relationships that I reach a po

Fully develope your owm life

This book is about living your own life instead of living your life for your significant other. It is a wonderful book. It changed my life. I would also highly recommend the book An Encounter With A Prophet which helped me become more reliant on God.