The file arrived on a Tuesday morning. He had asked for it on Friday - formally, through Meridian's records liaison, who was cooperative in the way bureaucratic liaisons always are when there is a federal investigation in the vicinity of their organization: carefully, quickly, and with the specific thoroughness of people who want the documentation of their cooperation to be legible. DR. RAD had the file by ten in the morning. He set it on his desk. He made coffee. He sat down. He had read sixteen intake files in four years. He had learned, in the reading of the first three, to make coffee first. The files were never easy, and the first read was always the hardest because the first read was the one where you were still a person of ordinary feeling encountering another person's catalogued pain, before the clinical mind had time to organize the grief into manageable categories. After the first three files, he had understood that making coffee first was not self-indulgence. It was clinical preparation. It gave the hands something to do while the eyes began their work.
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