Blue Battlement: The Middle of the Monstrous Dichotomy Spectrum

By Anthony Charles Mayfield

From being raised in an emotionally abusive household and an equally emotionally abusive religious community, feeling unsafe coming out and thus growing up closeted, and then spending two years of my life homeless after coming out, there was an unfortunately vast array of traumas that I have faced in my life. I am sadly very familiar with neglect and rejection, both from the family and church community that was supposed to love me, as well as from the gay community who I sought kinship and support from in my times of hardship. From my family and church, I was exposed to people who would only love me per the condition that I live as a straight conservative man. From those who I was exposed to in the gay community at that time, the only support that I would receive both while living closeted as well as while homeless was if forced sexual favors were enacted upon me. These times of fear and uncertainty left me feeling severly demoralized and isolated. And as such, my comfort and expression was housed in the poems that I would write to comfort myself. In this book, you will find poems that I wrote in those times to grant myself a safe haven of open expression from a time where open expression would get me hurt, as well as poems that I wrote based on recent traumas whilst reflecting on the nature of past ones. These poems house my abstract thoughts during dark moments of my past, providing lessons learned in conjecture with the poems from my previous book. As you read through these poems, I hope that my story of battling CPTSD and severe depression may provide insight as to the progress that still needs to be made as I am just one of many gay youth who has had to face abuse, neglect, and sexual assault from those who are supposed to provide support and understanding and community. And if you encounter any blank pages, take a second to disassociate.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B08FV1937L
• ISBN13: 9798676085407
• Release Date: August 2020
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 182 Pages
• Weight: 1.32 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 8.5" x 11.0"