The Art of Condolence: What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss

By Hilary Stanton Zunin and Leonard Zunin

Book Overview

"This beautifully written guide offers specific and wise
advice for confronting another's anguish, as well as a deep understanding of
grief." --Judy Tatelbaum, author of The Courage to Grieve

Time and again we stumble for words and actions that will
reflect our feelings of compassion and our desire to be of comfort during a
time of loss. Based on the authors' extensive research, their workshops, and
their professional experience, and filled with personal stories and anecdotes,
this heartfelt, practical, and accessible resource covers the three most common
areas of concern: What can I write? What can I say? and What can I do?
The authors address such issues as:

Special circumstances--sudden death, suicide, the death of a
parent or childHow to compose a letter of condolence--including a variety of
sample lettersHow to be of service--from ideas for thoughtful gifts, to
assisting with business affairs and funeral arrangements, to suggested ways of
helping in the aftermathWhen more help is needed--the benefits of grief therapy and
support groups, with a listing of recommended reading and other resources

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0060921668
• ISBN13: 9780060921668
• Release Date: July 1992
• Publisher: Harper Perennial
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 0.52 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.3" x 8.1"

Customer Reviews

A superb and practical guide to giving comfort!

A wonderful concept for a book, but perhaps much overlooked. Husband and wife team Leonard and Hilary Zunin offer a practical; guide for those who don't quite know what to do or say when a friend or loved one suffers loss. So often we do not reach out, deterred by feelings of awkwardness or "not knowing what to say." "The Art of Condolence" offers no cookbook or scripted approach, but offers samples and examples. We all hope we will not need to draw upon the skills illuminated in this insightful book, but chances are there is a certainty that we will. Team Zunin provides these unwelcome events as opportunities to show compassion and support to others in very practical ways.

excellent addition to your library

I recently lost my beloved cat of 14 years. At the same time our neighbors lost two of their beloved dogs. We were all floundering in grief and what to do and say. This book helped me with my own grief and also allowed me to say and do things better with others.

"What Do I Say, What Do I Do?"

As one who spends my professional life with grieving people and the professionals who care for them, one of the most common questions I hear is, "Do you have any suggestions about what to say/what to do. . .?" In a thoughtful, practical book, the Zunins have made that question much easier to answer!I especially like the section on what to write in condolence notes and cards. After my Dad died in 1993, the cards that came that "told the stories" and helped us remember were the real "keepers." The stories and remembrances bring fond recollections to the family and friends and help through the healing process of bereavement.If you've ever wondered, "What do I say, do, or write?" this book is for you. You'll find yourself going back to it again and again.

Help at a difficult time

When my father first recommended this book as I was struggling to write a letter to the family of a friend killed by a drunk driver, I was skeptical. "How can a book tell me what to write?" I thought. "I don't want this to be some kind of form letter. This is personal." But the letter that The Art of Condolence helped me to write was anything but distant. The book guided me with sensitivity through one of the most difficult tasks I've ever faced, and the result was a deeply personal letter offering my condolences and memories of my friend. To my amazement, several different members of the family independently thanked me for the letter and told me how powerful it was for them. Finally, this book made what could have been a wrenchingly empty and frustrating task into a cathartic process that helped me grieve as I remembered my friend.

The Art of Condolence

We have all been in some variation of the miserable situation of learning of the loss of someone special, and staring at hopelessly at a blank page, groping for words of comfort. Often, we are tempted to give up, and write or say nothing, for fear of saying the wrong thing. The Art of Condolence is the answer to this situation.The Art of Condolence has guided me through writing comforting letters to bereaved patients and families for more than 5 years. This book is a wonderful step-by-step guide on how to write helpful, and meaningful letters to bereaved people, while making them heartfelt, individual, and personal.The strengths of this book include guidelines for almost any imaginable situation of loss, to people in any variety of relationships, from people in many different positions. Dr. Zunin also succinctly and simply discusses phases of grief, with rationale and suggestions for helpful letters, notes, telegrams, cards, or personal conversation. From the sudden violent death of a child, to a protracted illness and death of a spouse, or the heartbreak of a stillborn infant, this book offers specific and yet comprehensive guidelines.I highly recommend The Art of Condolence for anyone who hopes to offer comfort and compassion to another, in any situation. I am extremely grateful for this book, and the healing words which can be penned by anyone who uses it.