Miss Conduct's Mind Over Manners: Master the Slippery Rules of Modern Ethics and Etiquette

by Robin Abrahams

Book Overview

A witty, sophisticated guide to the new principles of modern social behavior, by a psychologist and popular alternative-etiquette-and-ethics guru

This is no rule book about forks and calling cards. As a child, Robin Abrahams was bitterly disappointed when her parents forced her to have a lemonade stand rather than a booth for dispensing advice. In Miss Conduct's Mind over Manners, Abrahams, now a psychologist and the popular...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0805088776
• ISBN13: 9780805088779
• Release Date: May 2009
• Publisher: Times Books
• Length: 288 Pages
• Weight: 0.70 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.8" x 5.4" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Wish I had read a book like this years ago...

Highly recommended for anyone who comes from a different culture. It gives you a pretty solid idea of how to politely converse about food, finances, religion, sex, children, health, pets, etc. Ms Abrahams critical and blunt style is shocking, but that makes her point clear right away! She seems very knowledgeable about the topic. Excellent read!

A witty book with great advice!

Not written like Miss Manners, Dear Abby or Ann Landers but in a unique style all its own. I thought it would be letters like these 3 authors had in their books, but it's not. It has some questions to start off some sections but that's it. The author believes that in today's busy society people are too busy to be polite. She covers the basic rules of decency on various subjects like finances, food, health, children, pets, religion, sex and relationships. It's more about how to act around other people than which fork to eat with at a society function...in other words geared more toward the common person. So if you are too busy to always do the polite thing, maybe you can just do the decent thing instead. This book kind of helps you decide what is the decent thing to do in certain situations. It's very easy to read and really enjoyable because the author writes with humor. Even if you aren't interested in etiquette, you would enjoy the book. It's full of helpful hints on how to act in awkward situations. You'll like the book and you'll like the author.

Thinking Manners Instead of Rules

What I really liked about this book is the one thing that may annoy people: There are very few rules about how we should behave. If you are looking for a set of rules and protocols you can access and rely upon, this book is not for you. Instead, we are presented over and over with seven principals of how we should think about ourselves and others before we act. These principals, oddly placed at the end of the book instead of the beginning, are demonstrated repeatedly in seven chapters covering different aspects of human life: Food, Finances, Religion, Sex and Relationships, Children, Health, and Other Passions. She explores these through a series of scenarios that show how people of different backgrounds and situations might and should interact to help social situations run smoothly. From time to time, Robin Abrahams does make definitive statements about what people should and should not allow to bother them or influence their behavior. That might annoy some folks but since her overall philosophy is that manners are to help us get along I think they might great sense. This is a book I'm sure I'll go back to time and again.

Enjoyable thought-provoking book full of practical advice for many different social situations

Have you ever wondered if you should say Christmas or holiday? Have you ever not known what to say when asking someone out, or being asked out yourself? If you find out a co-worker has cancer, should you ask about it? What is the proper etiquette regarding owning pets or dealing with those that do? These questions and many, many more are covered in Robin Abrahams' "Miss Conduct's Mind Over Manners: Master the Slippery Rules of Modern Ethics and Etiquette." Abrahams is the "Miss Conduct" columnist for "The Boston Globe Magazine" and writes the "Socially Scientific" column for "Annals of Improbable Research." In this entertaining and informative text, she shares rules of modern ethics and etiquette covering many sticky situations involving food, religion, children, pets, health, sex, money, and more. After a short introduction where Abrahams makes a point of illustrating that you have choices in your life, and this book will help you take thoughtful responsibility for your own choices. There are then seven entertaining chapters tackling a variety of situations. One thing I liked is that Abrahams did not say, "Do this, Don't do that," in an absolute way. While she does provide a lot of to dos and do nots, she states that she prefers to offer options and interpretations. Everyone can then make their own choices. Chapter one focuses on food. It addresses our own food rules, and those rules of others. The chapter provides practical solutions and suggestions on communication regarding the various food rules we all have, regardless if they are due to diets, religion, or personal taste. Chapter two delves into finances and communications and interactions related to money. The chapter discusses talking about money, or lack thereof. Things such as who should pay are addressed. How to be a rich friend or a poor friend. Gifts? They are addressed here too. Chapter three tackles one of those topics that seem to always be difficult to discuss, religion. I thought Abrahams offered some good advice when treading through this often murky quagmire. Ever had to listen to a noisy neighbor's lovemaking through thin walls? Chapter four, sex and relationships, suggest ways to deal with this as well as many other related difficult communications related to romance. Chapter five discussed children and etiquette issues surrounding them. Your children, or those of others, this chapter provides advice to help with raising your own or dealing with people who don't have them. Chapter six focuses on health related matters. From passing gas, being sick at work, to discussing cancer and other illnesses, this chapter offers some practical suggestions regarding health etiquette rules. The final chapter, seven, is all about pets and the special issues that come up when you have pets or interact with those that do. This chapter is good for both pet owners and people who don't share their lives with animals. There is a nice conclusion where the author

not your mother's guide to manners

Wow -- this isn't just an etiquette book; it's an everything book. While advising the reader on how to navigate contemporary social quandaries, the author sails smoothly from topic to topic -- neurobiology to sociology, philosophy to economics -- with tremendous wit and grace. This book is informative, culturally sensitive, and makes liberal use of relevant quotes (from diverse sources ranging from Shakespeare to Adam Smith to Mark Twain) and reference to pop culture (Wallace & Grommit, Gilligan's Island). Even the footnotes are educational and entertaining! The book is organized as follows: Introduction -- the author talks about our increasing cultural diversity and homogeneity -- though we're exposed to more different groups, we increasingly stick to our own kind; we connect with, live in communities with, and talk to, like minded folks. We avoid topics on which we disagree. And we think we're very busy, too busy for niceties like writing thank you notes. For all of these reasons, we're not as polite as we used to be. First chapter -- food -- and not simply which fork to use or how to hold your wine glass at a cocktail party. The author addresses "food rules" -- vegetarian, kosher, halal, food allergies, and assorted other eating restrictions. Portion size and perceptions of masculinity, her own evolving relationship with Ramen noodles. Second chapter -- money -- why over 90% of Americans call themselves "middle class," how to be a rich friend or a poor friend, splitting restaurant tabs, when it is okay to give $$ as a gift (a gift of money "means `I can't figure you out'" . . . , and teens and young adults "take it as the highest compliment to be considered unreadable by their elders"). Third chapter -- holidays -- mostly about religions, dealing with proselytizers, Jesus Christmas and Santa Christmas. Fourth chapter -- sex and relationships -- the balance between chivalry and sexism, how to address men & women & a gay person's spouse & the transgendered; how to ask someone out; the appropriateness and logistics of same-sex friendships. Fifth chapter -- children, whether to have them, how they behave, dealing with parental one-upsmanship. Sixth chapter -- health, dealing with persons with disabilities (and why not to call them disabled persons), farts in public spaces, friends with cancer, fat prejudice. Seventh chapter -- pets, why to avoid new-Agey dog trainers, dogs and community. To this point, I thought that the author's presentation was generally open-minded and balanced, but in chapter seven dog centrism comes through loud and clear, as nearly this entire chapter is about dogs and their owners, with an occasional reference to why you don't want to become the "crazy cat lady" Conclusion -- Abrahams concludes by offering seven principles for "conducting yourself thoughtfully in today's complicated world." I'll let you discover the seven rules for yourself. My take-away is that honesty, with yourself