Holding Hands, Holding Hearts: Recovering a Biblical View of Christian Dating

by Sharon L. Phillips and Richard D. Phillips

Book Overview

What does Scripture say about dating? Nothing--and everything This book offers a biblical view of relationships but doesn't shy away from discussing attraction, first dates, commitment and more elements that need to come together to make a successful relationship.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0875525202
• ISBN13: 9780875525204
• Release Date: January 2006
• Publisher: P & R Publishing
• Length: 184 Pages
• Weight: 0.50 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 5.5" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Awesome read

This is a great read for Christian singles who are looking to grow or begin a relationship. If you are in the beginning stages of your relationship definitely a book to read. The lady I'm dating and I are reading the book together.

A Biblically sound, well balanced book, full of Scripture references & applications, very enjoyabl

A Biblically based/sound, well balanced book, full of Scripture references and applications, very enjoyable and funny, for anyone to read. It takes Biblical principles of a healthy marriage and work backwards to a healthy Biblical dating relationship. The foundations for a healthy, godly marriage begin while dating. There's a final chapter, especially written for those who are not currently in a dating relationship. Some books or people describe singleness as a gift, just as marriage as a gift. Some people do have the gift of singleness: they don't think romantically about others of the opposite sex, and there is nothing wrong or perverse about them. They do not struggle with lust either. People with this gift, in the authors' experience, is usually someone called to a particular and intense ministry. But the authors describe singleness, which can last a long time, can be considered as being a trial, just as marriage as being a trial. We need to seek God's grace for this trial as with any other. "Singleness involves loneliness, sexual frustration, and unfulfilled dreams. It is a difficult ordeal. But let's understand something about trials: everybody has them. Singleness may be a trial, but it is not the only trial. Married people have trials -- lots of them, in fact. Parents have lots of trials. When Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation" (John 16:33) He was talking to us all." It dwells on the Rare Jewel of Contentment (Phil. 4:11-13)...the product of a heart resting in God. They provided an unchanging rule for singles to remember, namely: "if you cannot be contented in singleness, you will not be contented in marriage" . "Singleness is not something that keeps us from contentment and joy. Rather, it is a trying circumstance in which we are to look in faith to God, submitting in His good and Sovereign will, and looking to Him for every blessing. But singleness is not the only such trying circumstance. Another is called marriage, as two sinners seek to live in harmony without killing each other. Yet another trying circumstance is called parenthood, in which two exhausted sinners who seldom speak to each other seek to live in harmony with each other and a whole pack of other little sinners. In all circumstances, the challenge is not to change the circumstances but to learn what Paul learned: "I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can so all things through Him who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:12-13)." Reviewer's additional comments: One Scripture reminder by one friend also rings true: "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord." - 1Cor 7:32 (NIV) About the advantage of singles, being "free from concern", relative to the married. As well as: "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has

Biblical advice given with Christian love and wisdom

Well, I just finished Holding Hands, Holding Hearts and I'm still convinced it's by far the best book on Christian dating for adults that I've read so far. In fact, after I finished it I gathered up some of my other books on Christian dating and singleness along with their receipts to return them to the book store. This book offers sound advice based on Biblical principles with the much needed Christian love and wisdom.

Clear Biblical Thinking and Practical Application

The dating versus courtship arguments in my opinion, have largely fallen into two inadequate camps. Courtship (often) is defended as the preferable option because it was the norm in Biblical culture. Our modern context is usually written off while the cultural practice of the past becomes the normative Biblcal command for us now. I had trouble making that leap. And I found that many who "kissed dating good-bye" made it into a Biblical command, rather than what it is, a wise application of Biblical principles. The other side, who "gave dating a chance", often failed to wrestle significantly with the Biblical material and empahsized following Biblical principles within the flawed system of dating. Thankfully, into this debate comes a third and welcome approach. Richard Phillips and Sharon Phillips are both aware of the modern context that singles live in, but also have attempted to create a thoroughly Biblical rationale for single males and females to follow as they "date". Holding Hands, Holding Hearts is all that a book on practical theology should be. It is grace-based, well thought out, Scripturally supported and developed, and it gives practical applications for its readers. (While I believe all theology is practical, many books fail to thoroughly examine the practical outworkings of theology in day-to-day life). The book is divided into two parts. Part I is called A Biblical View of Dating and Relationships. In this half, the Phillips spend a significant time explaining why we are what we are and how that affects our relationships. It uses the classical set up of categories for mankind - Creation, Fall, and Redemption. All three need to be understood BEFORE a model of relationships is developed, and the Phillips do this in a clear, Biblical and understandable way. The second half is titled Biblical Wisdom for Dating and Relationships. It takes the Bibles teachings on marriage and works backwards from them. The patterns that God desires in marriage do not magically appear once one is married, and this book describes how a couple can and should learn, grow and prepare for the roles they are called to if the Lord calls them to marriage. One highlight that I have not seen in any dating/courtship book before is the section on idolatry in our hearts. Here's a sample: "Different people have different idols as we saw in Genesis 3, the woman's idols will often be relationship-oriented; she desires to possess him as the key to her happiness....Similarly, Genesis 3 tells us that men will often be motivated by idols eternal to the relationship: money, power, excitement. Whatever they are, the point is that idols must be served, and the dating or marriage partner must be coerced into contributing to that service. This, by the way, is often what the world means by 'compatibility'. The key to a happy relationship, the experts tell us, is to find a companion who worships the same idols as you do, or whose idols are at least not in c

Wow. Best book I've read on dating for adults!

This is a fantastic book. The Phillips worked with the singles ministry at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, and they have a real love for singles and lots of practical, wise advice. I wish I had read this book when I was in college; it would have saved me a lot of wasted emotion and wondering why guys were so frustrating! The authors recognize that it's hard to "kiss dating goodbye," so instead they help singles navigate the tricky road of getting to know a potential mate. They spend time talking about what should be expected from both men and women in a relationship, and they tackle the issues that are prevalent - men not wanting to define the relationship or be willing to commit, and women expecting too much or pressuring the guy for more commitment than he's ready for. They help the reader see what qualities men and women should look for in the opposite sex, and how to be properly choosy without expecting perfection. All in all, a very useful and practical book. I hardly ever give a book five stars, but this one deserves all five.