You and Your Toddler

By Jenny Stoker

Book Overview

A central theme of this book is the gradual process of separation between parents and toddlers and the growth of autonomy in them all. The author has written with clarity, sympathy and warmth about... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1855753685
• ISBN13: 9781855753686
• Release Date: December 2005
• Publisher: Routledge
• Length: 128 Pages
• Weight: 0.40 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.3" x 5.1" x 7.8"

Customer Reviews

An Insightful Guide on Toddlers and Parents

"You and Your Toddler" is a surprisingly level-headed and insightful book, not just on raising a toddler, but on the nature of parent-toddler interactions. I say "surprisingly" because a reader might expect a psycho-analytic treatise from an author associated with the Anna Freud Centre in London. Instead, Ms. Stoker treats us to a highly readable and practical account of the stages of toddler development, as illustrated by examples drawn from her experience leading parent/toddler groups. Beginning with the young baby, she points out that he "learns that there are predictable patterns of response to his actions: ... that one action on his part will produce another" on the mother's part. But then, in what is characteristic of the book, she goes on to point out that the "self-centred optimism" of the young baby is "very seductive" for the parent, who is thereby encouraged to re-inforce it. As the title of the book suggests, this book is not about toddlers in isolation, but very much in the context of their relationships with parents, and well as with siblings and other children. The stages of development are indicated not by chronological age but by specific behaviors, for instance, "well before they start speaking, young children start pointing at objects and then looking at their mothers to see if they are looking too." The analysis that follows is direct: that the toddler's "interest, as well as the pleasure derived from it, can be shared." This leads into a discussion of the toddler's sense of self, and his appreciation of others in his life. These analyses are carefully tempered by a description of the limitations of the toddler's understandings, as well as the practical limits on the parent's ability to respond to or encourage the child's behavior. "Children of this age are only just beginning to learn that if someone disappears, they have not been lost forever." "It is unrealistic to expect parents ...to be constantly aware whenever their toddlers wish to share their attention to the latest plane in the sky." A sampling of the topics covered: "Together or apart?"; "Learning about `No'"; "Expressing feelings through play"; "Battles over feeding"; "Sleeping and separations"; "Coming to terms with threesomes"; "Sibling rivalry"; "The toddler's growing awareness of his own and others' minds". The book manages to cover a large amount of ground in barely over 100 pages. As a parent of four children who has read many parenting books, I was impressed again and again by the straightforward interpretations and understanding of both parent and toddler. While some of these will be obvious to most readers, others are more subtle: "Parental guilt about imposing standards of behavior on their toddler is sometimes a reflection of ambivalent feelings toward their child, which parents believe to be utterly unacceptable." Or, "The move from Sarah identifying herself as `Sarah,' ... as in `Sarah does it', to `I am driving' reflects her abilit