What Would Betty Do?: How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in the World and the Next

By Paul Bradley

Book Overview

Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you
In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of saying: "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment "
In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good News: They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soir e -- and then a few stones ). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"
Unchic? Unsaved? Wavering faith? Wandering hands? A pair of $650 Manolo Blahnik pumps that won't go with anything? No problem Just ask yourself -- What would Betty do?

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0743216016
• ISBN13: 9780743216012
• Release Date: March 2002
• Publisher: Atria Books
• Length: 176 Pages
• Weight: 0.75 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 7.7" x 8.5"

Customer Reviews

Buy ten copies of this book

Oh yeah. Funny is hard to do well. Funny and timely is very hard to do at all. This is a book I would give to everyone I know except those who might be offended by it, which is maybe three acquaintances, tops. It would help me to cope in the dark hours when cars pull up in my driveway, bearing a load of the Savior's minions come to knock on my door and talk to me.It would help me to find forgiveness for certain highly placed individuals on this planet, who know not what they do and examine not what they think. Or if.I have faith in this book. If anyone ever asks me again if I have been saved, I can tell them that I am not worthy to spitshine the shoes of Mrs. Betty Bowers on the day of glory when Armageddon starts.

Take care if you are a Christian

I found this book to be compulsive and very enjoyable. It is depressingly astute for those who have been brought up in a Evangelical denomination and who must now grow up and realise the often times dreadful failings of such a dogma.I am such a person. As a result I squirmed as much as I laughed.I discuss the book with people I know, who still practice this denomination and shudder with embarrassment at the admonition that "Don't you know the guy who wrote this book is a Homasexyule."My answer, that the observations are no less insightful into some of the worst excesses of contemporary Christians, usually means I must duck the ensuing verbal onslaught Evangelical Christianity from the time of the restoration in about 1952 has claimed to be the flag waving vanguard of the faith, holding back the liberal barbarian at the gate. Since Arthur Wallace launched this brand of Christianity, those who follow tie themselves in knots inventing endless justifications of why they have it right.If we analyse the previous one thousand nine hundred and fifty years to any great extent we realise that most of the trappings and expression of the Evangelical/Charismatic/Pentecostal faith are1 Cultural2 Social norms of right wing, capitalist, conservative politics...Although I laughed at this book, I did not laugh much, because of the pain of battering my head off a wall.So a word to all you born againees out there. Take care about reading this book. It may open your eyes to what is only one narrow and often unpleasant aspect of Christianity (the one that has endorsed a lot of war and mayhem). You may end up feeling like Homer Simpson on a bad day.

Satire at its best.

Having been raised evangelical (but later recovered), I was really, really happy to find someone else that recognizes the humor in fundamentalist Christian ideology. Bradley is an excellent satirist, recognizing the absurd, but also having a thorough knowledge of the subject matter.At its best, WWBD attacks the scripture, analyzing precisely what makes nonsense of fundamentalist scripture quotation. Betty's advocacy of stoning recalcitrant children and discussion of the one unforgivable sin (insulting the Holy Ghost) put the fundamental error in fundamentalism. Recurring references to "God's Own Party" and "Demoncrats" underscores why when the freepers come across WWBD it's rating will, no doubt, go down drastically.Clearly, the blasphemous nature of much of WWBD makes it a book that is not for everyone. Further, much of the material in the book is available at the website (and some of what is on the website is not available in the book.) However, there is something comforting for those of us that grew up under the heavy hand of evangelical Christianity to know that we are not alone in our epiphany of fundamentalist Christianity's failed logic, self-contradiction and selective perception.This is a good book to shock your religious friends and relatives. There are also a few belly-laughs.

Betty's book is the best thing since sliced hosts!

If America's Best Christian Betty Bowers did not exist it would be necessary to invent her.As the final arbiter of all things Christian Rite, Betty Bowers stands as a role model for all the sour and snobby Christian women that can only wish one day to be her. To aid them in their albeit feckless quest the generous Betty Bowers has published a how-to book, "What Would Betty Do? How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in This World and the Next."For those thinking persons who find the current turn-of-the-century pretensions of Christian piety, prudery, and pandering, as onerous as they are misled, Betty Bowers offers humor - the only real weapon against absurdity. Betty takes Christian virtue to its logical end, something the Christian Rite would never be accused of approaching: logic, or ends.With the personal style of a Coco Chanel, the stinging observations of a Dorothy Parker, and the genuine hilarity of a David Sedaris, Betty bridges the gulf for those alienated by Christianity, whether voluntarily, or not.Consider Betty's many charitable efforts, catalogued only to inspire: BITCH (Bringing Integrity to Christian Homemakers), BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homosexuals), SLUTS (Saving Love Until the Sacrament), her Christian Crack Whore Ministry ("Every knee shall bow & "), and many more - all profitable Fortune 500 corporations. The only time Betty would ever be seen with one of those women on religious television grubbing for money with mascara running down her face would be if they were drying out at one of her many halfway houses.For the nouveau Christian Betty offers fashion advice - what a good Christian wears to a lunch date with Hillary Clinton, an execution, or the bombing of an abortion clinic - certainly nothing from a "cardigan collection with an overbearing knit for each bank holiday."Betty's interviews with the rich and dubiously famous - Laura Bush, the Blessed Virgin Mary, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Diane Sawyer, and rapper Eminem - had me laughing harder than sister-in-Christ Dyan Cannon at the Toronto Blessing.Buy the book. Buy two!

Moving Media Not a Problem for Betty...

Growing up in the solid South, I can read things like this for hours. Again and again, I tell myself, "I know this person." If you haven't viewed ..., you really should. I won't spoil the jokes from the book for you, but I will say that there's enough in there to keep you laughing for at least two cross-Atlantic plane trips. With satire and style, this book manages to poke fun at all those people who are only friends of Jesus on Sunday. Like the bumper sticker says: God, please save me from your fan club.