Start your day with f***ing gratitude! Up until now, you've probably lived your life as an ungrateful asshole. You've said things like, "Universe, give me everything I want or I'll cry!" And when you didn't get what you wanted, you blamed everyone else. This is you, isn't it? Well, that shit doesn't matter anymore. Today is a new fucking day. You're no longer a self-entitled piece of shit like the rest of the world. Today, you'll be grateful for... well, today. You see, studies have shown [insert link to some study] that being happy about stuff you already have makes you even happier. It's true! Just think about it... some things will always piss you off. That's life. But also, some things will be totally amazing and make you want to bust a nut right in the middle of Walmart! So, instead of dwelling on the death of your cat you forgot to feed or that the mailman gave you an STD again, think about something better. Like that one time you found $20 in the street. Or that other time you got blackout drunk and woke up totally fine the next day! Be grateful for these fucking moments. Document them here. Because the more gratitude you express, the more good that will follow.
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