Unfair & Unbalanced: The Lunatic Magniloquence Of Henry E. Panky

By Patrick M. Carlisle

Called by readers "blazingly funny, divinely inspired, breathtaking, sophisticated, original, deranged, a brilliant intellect wasted, and a comedic genius," if one could stew Dave Barry, Hunter... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1594111111
• ISBN13: 9781594111112
• Release Date: September 2004
• Publisher: Writers Collective
• Length: 173 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.8" x 6.0"

Customer Reviews

A General Absence of Free Will

Henry isn't sure why at age 15 he bought the John Denver album. He continues, "Let's chalk it up to raging pubescent hormones, psychotropic drugs at too early an age, too many Herman Hesse books, a compromised decision making capacity, and a general absence of free will." Well, I don't know why I think it's so funny when he makes fun of John Denver, especially since I've always liked his music, but it is funny. Pubescent hormones? Yes, neurobiology tells us they'll make us crazy...psychotropic drugs at an age perhaps earlier than 15?...whew...too many Herman Hesse books? Well, I read them all in my mid-twenties, and several of Louis Lamour's, but the Hesse entry does work nicely. The last one - general absence of free will - blew me away! - one side of an ever current philosophical enigmatic question thrown in following a bunch of unrelated one-liners which strangely enough make a coherent and hilarious sentence. To a conservative political pundit, Panky says, "Darling Ann, my winsome hyena, how I yearn to slip the tough leather straps over your slavering muzzle and ride you like a gaucho through the befouled and slippery charnel house of your political desires." Wow! This sentence paints quite a picture for a guy like me who doesn't really understand poetry. Continuing..."Your saccharine sophistries reek (italics) of an utterly Faustian and silver-tongued sodomy of the human spirit." I don't think he likes her. Tongue in cheek he deprecates himself: "Even utter strangers naturally sense my Ivy League roots. Those lustrous days spent upon the mountain peak of academe, bathed in the brilliant light of reason, breathing in the high, Rocky mountain spring water of purest intellect, have imbued a certain effulgent je ne sais quoi (italics) deep into my very marrow. It's who I am. You might as well try to hide the Koih-noor diamond under a cheap thrift store merkin." Well, okay, I have to keep the English and French dictionaries handy, and several trivia books. When I understand most of the servings, I feel proud. By the way, these examples from the book weren't exactly cherry-picked. When I came across the "free will" comment, I decided I had to write a review. The other 2 selections were just short enough, had not been mentioned in other reviews, and were found in the next 7 pages. This book is an introduction to a new way of perceiving our world, the Hank E. Panky way. If you are tired of the same old mundane books...if you have memorized the self-help book by your commode...Try a little Hank E. Panky, and I predict a satisfied customer. I can't wait to get my hands on his next book.

I love this man...

Henry Panky is insightful, intelligent, witty, funny, and a bit of a smart ass. I love this man- have for nigh on two years now (if it weren't for that pesky restraining order he felt compelled to get I'm sure we would be together by now). As long as Henry keeps writing, I won't worry about finding my smile. Anyone out there that's interested in a good belly laugh has to buy this book- it's hysterical drollery is unmatched. The knowledge base alone that this man has is incredible- from penis extension to old vampire movies, Henry is the master. And Henry, just so you know, I'm saving up for some Meg Ryan lip implants hoping that you'll change your mind.

The Greatest Stories Ever Sold

This is simply the funniest book ever written. I mean, if anyone has ever gone to a dating website (oh, you have too, you liar!)Then "Search Engine of Love" will have you helpless with laughter. And anyone who has ever seen a post 1945 Bette Davis movie will HOWL over "The Insatiable Meat Cleaver of Bette Davis" Please read the "Letter to Anne Coulter" before Nov.2!! MEN: "O'(snip-snip) Where Art Thou?" will have you cracking up on golf courses, board meetings and prison showers for the rest of your life. You MUST buy this book! NOW! LADIES: Come on, look at the cover! You can frame it! He looks just like Corbin Bernsen (The LA Law Corbin Brensen, NOT the current General Hospital version) "The Superior Man" will not be something you sill forget for a LONG time! Buy this book, buy 10 of them, because your friends will get tired of you trying to read it to them over the phone, and if you loan it out, it will never come back.

Funniest, Most Original Book in Years

Want to laugh out loud again while reading? Tired of the same old predictable formulas that every current "humorist" seems to have copied ad nauseum? Then you really need to journey into the wonderfully unique world of Henry E. Panky. Patrick Carlisle doesn't just tell a few good jokes. He has created a terrific character through whose wandering eyes we see a world of possibilities that repeatedly reveals that where we've all finally arrived is a universe of Hank E. Panky (or, at least, a galaxy, or maybe a solar system or, what the hey, substitute your own astronomical metaphor after you READ THIS BOOK). The essays "The Crisis in Pubic Hair" and "The Banana Test" are worth the price of admission alone. But there's much, much more: indeed, every essay manages to be fresh, intelligent, and unpredictable. In fact, the only predictable thing about Henry Panky's point-of-view is that you'll laugh again and again. For fans who have been immersed in the Henry Panky web site (and who have come to regard his "headlines" as a necessary part of their intellectual diet), this book is truly manna from heaven. They've come to expect the unexpected from Mr. Carlisle, and his first book of essays won't disappoint them. They'll find there the same zany references, the amusingly disturbed points-of-view about decades-old movies (made fresh through comic exegesis), political musings (where he questions the very species of some of our current leaders), and corporate workplaces (in which Mr. Carlisle's familiarity has bred hillarious contempt). In his review of the 1983 Tony Scott movie "The Hunger," Henry Panky cofesses to being a liitle confused by the beginning, but then notes "crazed monkeys, vampires, right-wing Republicans . . . I guess the connection might make sense after all." His "Letter to Ann Coulter" compares her -- quite favorably when you consider the subject -- to a moray eel and notes "Ms. Coulter, your unqalified prostitution of the soul has set the bar so damn high." No intimacy is off-limits for Henry Panky: even his first sexual experience (on a New York freeway) is lovingly (yeah, right) revealed in "A Little Bag of Sopers." Unrealizable yearnings of a no less intimate variety are in evidence, too, such as in "Letter to Meg Ryan." Patrick Carlisle's humor is the comic relief that our times deserve, that every educated reader needs. Henry E. Panky's magniloquence will take you places you need to go. BUY and READ THIS BOOK. The only danger is pain in your jaw from laughing so much.

Offensively funny

It's always nice to read a book from the humor aisle that is actually funny. It's even better when the humor is delivered with cutting edge social commentary. And it's nice when the author slices up cultural icons and political nitwits with gleeful wantonness. Patrick M. Carlisle, in the persona of Henry E. Panky, "Associate of Arts (candidate)," does indeed delivery the belly-laughing goods, or to use his expression, "I laughed so hard my small intestine flopped out of my nose and onto my tie!" (p. 25) And to be honest I wasn't wearing a tie. (But you get the picture.) And the "picture" is part of what Carlisle is all about. He wants us to see and feel and taste and hear the lunatic imaginings; and to that effect he writes with particular vividness on issues of cultural significance or insignificance, as the case may be. For example, there is a nice essay entitled "O' Foreskin, Where Art Thou," subtitled, "Ever get the feeling that something's, well...missing?" You know how the controversy rages today among soon-to-be soccer moms on whether to circumcise or not to circumcise. Thank you Panky for your thoughts on this important tissue! (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) I also liked his forthright take on the Ann Coulter phenomenon in a mock essay styled as a letter to Her Highness of Shock Jock Depravity. Panky writes: "Compared to you, Rush is only an obnoxious and orotund orangutan on OxyContin, O'Reilly merely a vehement and imbecilic lout ('Shut up!'), jolly Olly North a grinning, driveling half-wit." (p. 69) On the next page Panky adds (imagining her toting an assault weapon in her book jacket photo), "...nothing says 'patriot' like a jackbooted, spittle-lipped bottle-blonde fingering a greasy trigger." Ah, to write like Panky! One of his devices is to blend slightly twisted pop lyrics into the text. In a missive to Dave Berry (p. 26), Panky laments, "...human beings can be so cold. They'll disconcert you when they squirt you..." Yes, that is a takeoff on Bob Dylan's "They'll stone you when you're riding in your car..." from "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35." Or contemplating a drug-induced liaison, Panky sings, "the fundamental truths apply as we get high." (er, "As Time Goes By.") Another is to come on in a bizarrely inappropriate way, especially with women, as in his "courtship" of Daphne in the essay entitled, "Search Engine of Love." But his most consistent technique is tongue-in-cheek self-debasement, as on page 30 where he sums up the eternal position of the little guy: "...while Karen was a strong, self-assured, varsity-gymnast Valkyrie, I...[was] a squeaking, longhaired, junior high school runt. Social divides yawn no greater." Panky also laments about things like his baldness and his unrequited love for Meg Ryan ("Making the case for a serious relationship.") He recalls his nine weeks at Brown University. ("Even utter strangers naturally sense my Ivy League roots.") And in "My Tater Exploded" ("The margarine ran in