Toonamint of Champions: How LaJuanita Mumps Got to Join Augusta National Golf Club Real Easy

By Todd Sentell

An off-the-wall story with larger-than-life characters, this novel discusses the desire to gain membership to an exclusive golf club and the realization that the grass just may be greener on the other... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1601640056
• ISBN13: 9781601640055
• Release Date: April 2007
• Publisher: Kunati Inc.
• Length: 192 Pages
• Weight: 2.25 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.5" x 6.0"

Customer Reviews

The truth is out!

I always wondered what went on within the bastion of the golfing world...and now I know! Apparently it's full of some of the most outrageous and truly original characters, all brought to life by Todd in a blaze of comic color. The humor is terrific fun, slapstick and side splitting and whether you have feelings for the institution of golf or not, you will love what Todd has bravely done to it!

Fore! (And I don't mean the Huey Lewis album from the 80s)

Those of you who know me from my previous job may be aware that one of my favorite books is Pest Control by Bill Fitzhugh. This is a wild and hilarious book about an exterminator that's mistaken for a professional killer. At the previous bookstore, I handsold over 400 copies of this book. And when Wordsmiths Books opened in Decatur, GA, this was my recommended pick (and it still sold well). Since reading this book, I've become a fan of other comedic authors, including Carl Hiaasen and Christopher Moore, but I think a new book has taken over the crown as my favorite funny book. Toonamint of Champions by local author Todd Sentell is a hilarious and iniquitous satire of the Masters and Augusta National. Before I tell you about this book, you must understand that I know very little about golf. I'm a big baseball fan, but the only golf I play is of the putt-putt kind (and not very good). However, the lack of golf understanding does not matter. Sentell has filled his story with bigger than life characters, and I was literally laughing on almost every page. Toonamint of Champions is the story of Waymon Poodle, "a teller at the Trust Trust bank branch inside the Publix grocery store on Confederate Victory Parkway in Mullet, Luv, Georgia, and no other human being on earth loves more than he does the Masters, the golf course on which it's played, the wonderful sport of golf in general, and the iniquitous allure of what goes on behind the gates of ootsie-tootsie private golf clubs." Waymon's lifelong dream is to play one round at the Augusta National, and he has to overcome so many outlandish obstacles, including his fiancee, LaJuanita Mumps, Waymon's supervisor at the bank (also named Waymon), and Giant Cicada Killer Wasps. And after reading this book, you'll never think of Bermuda Grass the same way again. Sentell has a unique writing style that's basically full of run-on sentences, but his wordplay is fantastic. It's sort of like Elmore Leonard, except nobody gets shot at the end of each sentence. But be aware that the book is iniquitous (look it up if you need to) and not for the easily offended. If you're looking for a great laugh, this is the book for you. Look for it on Wordsmiths Books recommended wall.

FOREWARD MAGAZINE LOVES THE TOONAMINT

Review by Wayne Cunningham of ForeWard Magazine If it's wacky you want, it's wacky you'll get with Toonamint of Champions, Georgia humorist Todd Sentell's spoof about a golf nut's lifelong dream to putt around the Augusta National Golf Course, and, as a bonus, have his non-golfing hairdresser girlfriend, LaJuanita Mumps, pinned as "the first ever" female member of the Club. Where else but in Sentell's bubbly imagination could a kooky hero like Waymon Poodle from Mullet Luv, Georgia rise to the top? A constant daydreamer with one blue eye and one green, his office is located "right by the condom and genital lubricant counter" of a busy supermarket. He's so addicted to golf he rents only apartments numbered 1931 to commemorate the year Bobby Jones debuted at the Augusta Masters. His bedroom replicates the course, and, believe it or not, he prefers golfing to giving up his virginity to LaJuanita despite her come-ons. To complicate the comedy, Waymon's duffer of a supervisor is also named Waymon, which leads to several convoluted conversations reminiscent of Abbott and Costello routines. Toss in Poodle's paranoia about Giant Cicada Killer Wasps and their impending take over of Augusta's famous twelfth hole ... despite the attempts of entomology professor, Jeevpil Biswapati, and his flamethrower ... and you end up with a "toonamint" even the Marx brothers would roll their eyes at. Sentell's nine years as "the director of sales and marketing for an ootsie-tootsie private golf club" gives him the background material for carving up golf's sacred rituals and icons of the greens. His expertise as an established humorist has him operating with wit and polish. The problem with humor, though, is that what tickles one man's funny bone may aggravate another's. Some readers may find the raunchy fondling between Augusta's 79-year-old receptionist, Betty Simpson, and 42-year-old head accountant, Frank Johnson (a.k.a.: Emiglio Rafsooliwicki) not as hilarious as the author had hoped. Others may shy away from our hero's abortive attempts to cover up Betty's Bermuda grass when she hikes her skirt to give Chi Chi Rodriguez a peek at her private turf. On the other hand, Waymon's volunteer position ... position number 1931, by the way ... as "Manager of the Rope at the Practice Facility Invitee Entrance and Exit," and his round of golf with The Golden Bear lead to moments of universal fun. His initial telephone conversation with Rafsooliwicki is true classic comedy, while the episode of his orange jacket among all the green jackets in the Augusta club's dining room is Mastersful satire. Regardless of which way your funny bone swings, Sentell's Toonamint of Champions will give a brand new meaning to "par for the course."

Hold on to your golf socks - here comes the funniest golf book ever!

I happen to have had the good fortune and unconscious sense of good timing, to have read Todd Sentell's hilarious new book, Toonamint of Champions during the recent Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta, GA. I say fortunate timing because the real Masters was taking place while I read about another Masters in a different Augusta and maybe even in a different parallel universe! A place where the solemn rituals of golf's most prestigious gathering are stretched out to a wildly hilarious romp across the fairways and greens of a totally outrageous and fun type of uninhibited game that we all wish we could see just once. Think; Caddy Shack meets Woody Allen. And anyone who thinks that golf can't be funny has obviously never played with author Todd Sentell's fanatically single-minded Masters 'wannabee', Waymon Poodle. I mean for starters, how could a book where the protagonist is named Waymon Poodle, not be absolutely hysterical? Well don't worry, because it is !! Waymon is not only fixated on the rituals of golf's most prestigious tournament ... or as a the reigning monarch of the Augusta greens puts it 'The Toonamint'. But his life revolves around everything that golf has been, could be or may be if the sport of pars and birdies somehow collided with the Twilight Zone! And if a hero named Waymon Poodle isn't enough, how about a heroine ( and we use the term loosely ... about as loose as Waymon's finance) named... LaJuanita Mumps. Bump these zany characters up against the most staid, pompous and self-righteous character's that infinite self-righteousness and privilege ever set up to be punctured by protagonists that would make Bill Murray's Caddy Shack gang look tame by comparison, and you've got a book that will guarantee an uninterrupted straight-down-the-fairway, golf cart full of laughs. So if you want tickle the funny-bone of your favorite golfer, give her or him a copy of Toonamint of Champions and then count the number of laughs you hear each time they turn the page. And if you know a golfer, live with a golfer or just golf with a golfer, forget about the golf socks or monogrammed tee's - this is the gift they'll love. As a matter of fact, even if you don't golf at all - Toonamint of Champions, will make you wish that you did. Just to get in on the fun! Ric Wasley Author Shadow of Innocence

Laughed my head off

Gonna make this real easy for you. If you love golf. If in your dreams you hit shots that about 200 yards down range begin to magically flare upward before ever so slowly floating back to earth where they perch atop the grass a pitching wedge from the green, you'll enjoy Toonamint of Champions. Delivered primarily in narrative form, author Sentell creates a bizarre world, a world inhabited by a 79-year-old lecherous secretary, a 29-year-old lecherous hairdresser named LaJuanita, a swarm of mutant super-whopper giant killer cicada wasps, and Waymon Poodle, the world's only truly friendly bank teller with really big hair who also happens to hit smoking golf shots. As is usually the case when there are 79-year-old lecherous secretaries and 29-year-old lecherous hairdressers around, Waymon, who's saving himself for his wedding night, is put in temptation's way. Fortunately for Waymon, he doesn't need to resort to evasive measures to preserve his virginity. He IS an evasive measure, totally fixated on Augusta National and his dream to not only play the course, but shoot a course record 62. He knows every inch of every hole, especially the 12th - of which he has an actual chunk of the green installed in the 18 hole scale layout he built in his spare bedroom. After Waymon distinguishes himself as a volunteer during the Masters, things come to a head when he's at long last invited to play the course. It'll be the first day of the fall season. The first tee time. The Golden Bear will be in the foursome. Except there's an eensy teensy problem. That just happens to be Waymon's wedding day. What carnal price will LaJuanita Mumps, Waymon's intended, extract for such a concession as moving her wedding day so Waymon can play golf? How will the swarm of mutant Super-whopper giant killer cicada wasps figure in the unfolding story? How will the Golden Bear react when he's told he's been elected to membership and the 10 million dollar bunker redesign he thinks he's come down to discuss is just a ruse to get him to the club where the announcement will of course be kept completely confidential? And most of all, why does the fan who threatens to show her Bermuda grass choose Chi Chi Rodriguez? Golf is a grand and time-honored sport, filled with tradition and also sacred cows. In the case of Augusta National, read the sacred cow reference in the past tense. Somewhere in Augusta, there might be one Sentell doesn't rotisserate, but I can't think which. Get this book. Read it. You'll laugh your head off.