Growing up gay in a religious family in New Jersey's most notorious city became a life-long game of hide-n-seek. I concealed my drug abuse and deviant habits, drowning myself in forbidden pleasures. Pursuit of pleasure turned into addiction - a fire set among the embers of my life. Maintaining a fa ade of social acceptability, my life behind closed doors spiraled out of control. Recreational drug use became a job as I struggled to maintain balance. After I put drugs down I started tricking with men. Keeping secrets, relationship drama, dereliction and self-destruction became the order of the day. This book is a testament of my journey as a young man finding my way through life, learning about myself and overcoming massive obstacles. Reading this book will feel intensely personal. It is a look over-the-shoulder of someone you all know. Each of you has someone like me in your life. The gay uncle, nephew, cousin, brother, friend existing obediently in the context of your lives. You don't know much about us. You love us. We retain coveted positions on the fringes of your lives, welcoming and invited to the familial and convivial. Still, we form communities and families outside of those blood born to feel a-part-of. Now, I invite you inside...
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