The Usual Error: Why We Don't Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better

By Pace Smith and Kyeli Smith

Book Overview

This is a down-to-earth communication guidebook filled with methods we've learned and tested, and punctuated with actual stories from our lives. You'll learn why miscommunication happens so often, how... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0982162103
• ISBN13: 9780982162101
• Release Date: December 2008
• Publisher: Connection Paradigm Press
• Length: 208 Pages
• Weight: 0.55 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.0" x 8.0"

Customer Reviews

A Wonderful & Accessible Meta-analysis of Communication

Self-help as a genre has a bad wrap, and there's a good reason for that. Many self-help books aren't very helpful! However, this book is fantastically helpful. Let me count the ways. First of all, it is in bite sized chunks. I am going to read it with my partner, but I read it on my own first and I'm happy to find that we'll be able to do a chapter at a time without feeling like we're taking a graduate seminar. Some of the chapters say everything that needs to be said in 2 or 3 pages, but even the longest chapters are short enough to be digestible. Each focuses on a concept and does not stray too far into analysis. I really like that about this book! I think they were able to make the chapters short because they stayed focused and avoided much analysis, speculation and ideology. If you are a person that is interested in self-improvement, growth, healthy relationships, yadda yadda ya, then you've probably heard everything in this book before at one point or another. That may sound like a criticism, but it's actually not. The thing is, every time I read self-helpy type of stuff, it is couched in either dense academic language or, worse for me, some sort of religious or pseudo-scientific framework. And many times authors' messages become bogged down by those frameworks. On the other hand, these authors don't talk about their framework at all, so their arguments are clear and focused. The book is also very thorough. I couldn't tell from the chapter titles, but now that I've read the book I realize that the chapters are like a line-up of the usual suspects for communication problems. I feel like if my husband and I find myself in an argument, we could put it on pause and skim through the chapter titles to figure out which pattern we're enacting. And we would find it. The last point I want to make is about the topic of the book. This type of thing should be taught in schools. Some people get it from their parents, but most people don't. Or at least not all of it. Not having the meta-understanding of life that is elucidated in this book leads to fearfulness and needless pain. Although there is nothing ground-breaking in this book, it is packaged in such a way that anyone can understand and make use of it. And it is important that we do!

The Usual Error

Developed out of a successful communication workshop, The Usual Error gets to the heart of the problem- every problem: roadblocks to communication. Nearly every problem can be solved, identified or endured with a little help from the collected wisdom of these expert communicators. Whether your problem is your partner failing to understand your needs, you failing to understand your partner's needs, or simply that you don't understand why someone can't just see things YOUR way, The Usual Error will put you on the path to enlightenment. The Usual Error is not a magic potion to instantly solve all your communication issues. It is, however, a great inspiration; it is a starting point from which epiphanies are born. As you read, you will recall situations from your own life in which the knowledge would have been helpful, and after reading it, you will remember its simple, quirky and honest advice when future problems arise. Chapters are short, easy to read and understand, and encourage reflection without the cheesy, condescending language that tends to dominate the self-help genre. Pace and Kyeli Smith write the chapters cleanly and pleasantly, no doubt as a result of the project's origins as a workshop and presentation, and the brilliant illustrations by Martin Whitmore capture the spirit and humor of the authors perfectly. All in all, the experience of reading this book is one of great amusement and deep reflection. The term "self-help" may not apply to all books in the genre, but The Usual Error is honest and powerful in its ability to help you help yourself.

I will be re-reading this book for years to come!

The simple examples and down to earth principals have helped me vastly improve my relationships with co-workers, friends, enemies, frenemies, and my fiance. I would highly recommend this book to anyone interested in changing your life, the way you communicate, how you think, and the quality of your relationships. I wish I had found The Usual Error sooner! It's a quick read which I'll be referencing for years to come. At least, until, Pace & Kyeli Smith put out their next book. Enjoy!

a wonderful resource!

In this book, Pace and Kyeli examine how people communicate and where they most often make mistakes. They unfold their findings in a conversational style that makes the communication principles easy to remember. Reading this book taught me things without me even realizing how much I'd retained; the ideas seeped right into my brain. This book includes material about the traditional communication techniques such as active listening and "I statements," but it goes well beyond those. The authors discuss communication dynamics (how we communicate and some fundamental problems that can occur when we try), boundaries (how to set them, discuss them, and respect those set by others), conflict (how to avoid it, and resolve it if it occurs), and positivity (how to improve your outlook, thus improving your relationships with other people). Some of my favorite concepts are the Usual Error (assuming that everyone thinks like you do), "We are made of meat" (my physical needs affect everything), feeling considered (how to respect others' needs without being a pushover), and the question, "what do I get out of being right." This book has practical advice, memorable metaphors, wonderful illustrations, and I recommend it to anyone who wants a fresh approach for the age-old problems of communication.

This book has been great for my marriage

I purchased a copy of "The Usual Error" as my husband and I had been using some of the skills that we'd been reading about on Pace and Kyeli's blog. We have been working on each chapter and it has given us the opportunity to communicate better and it has really improved our marriage as a whole. The advice given is very real-world and doesn't involve sitting across from each other doing practice sessions or anything like that. It involves reading the chapter and talking about what you learned and really listening to each other. It's a far more effective method for us. I highly recommend this book to anyone that is interested in understanding how their partner hears what they say and how to work together to communicate better.