The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother?

by Miriam Peskowitz

Book Overview

The media, from Dr. Phil to the New York Times Magazine, is adamant that there is no love lost between working parents and those who stay home with their children, each fighting an ideological and economic war based on what they think is best for their children. Yet in reality, as Miriam Peskowitz powerfully discloses, parents don't want to fight one another at all; they simply want more options. Moreover, the very sides in this debate don't...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1580051294
• ISBN13: 9781580051293
• Release Date: March 2005
• Publisher: Seal Press (CA)
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.75 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 5.5" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

Well-researched look at women's place in the workforce

In this book, Peskowitz examines the supposed war between working moms and sat-at-home moms and concludes that it's a war perpetuated by the media rather than an actual one. She then explores the nature of work in America and argues that most moms lack real choice in their working decisions. She provides examples of stay-at-home moms who would like to work part-time but cannot find work worth their time. She shares the stories of other moms who want to stay home with their kids but simply cannot afford it. Comparing America to 170 other countries, she concludes that America is far behind in valuing the work that mothers do every day in raising their children and that the country needs to begin valuing this work. She also shows that this difficulty goes beyond class lines. While women in higher-powered jobs may have more choice, they, too, have to fight for flexible working conditions and often "opt out" of the workforce because no suitable choices exist for them. This book is easy to read and is well researched. In debunking the existence of the mommy wars, Peskowitz urges *all* moms to stand together in order to start making change happen in this country.

Major contribution to motherhood

This well-researched book will be a godsend to new mothers trying to make sense of the social conflicts clouding motherhood today. It works to unite, rather than divide, mothers of various lifestyles. I do have to say, however, that I don't totally agree with the premise that "the media" invented the so-called mommy wars -- and that they really don't exist. As a mother who had a child in the 1980s (and who came of age in the 1970s), I can vouch for the fact that there was serious friction (and considerable backbiting) between moms who worked and moms who didn't. Long before Dr. Phil and Martha Stewart, women were arguing about these issues on porches, in offices, and in backyards. The term "mommy wars" is just another name for the debate. Call it something else; call it what you want ... it's time to end the conflict, roll up our sleeves, and to unite as we work toward social improvements for all families. This book is a wonderful beginning for the new dialogue.

A Must Read!!

I am not exactly sure how I stumbled on this book ~~ where I heard about it or how ~~ but I do think this is the best "accident" that I've had in a long while. I cannot believe that there are only a few people who have written a review for it ~~ this book is really one of the best books I have read on women issues in a long time! (Ahem, people issues.) This book is readable ~~ meaning, that in spite of the heaviness of the topics on hand, the author has taken the time and the research to show personal stories tied in with the issues. This is a great book because it's personal and informative and interesting. It flows like a conversation ~~ even though I got constantly interrupted by my husband and kids, I knew where the conversation was when I picked the book up (couldn't do that in real life though!). I will admit that while I opted out of the rat race when I got pregnant with our twins, I really appreciated this book. I have friends who "retired" from the work force to stay home, friends who have temporarily left the workforce, and friends who work full time and part time. The issues in this book face us all. I chose not to pursue the issue I had with my former employers simply because after five years there, I knew that they weren't going to change their minds for one employee. My biggest problem is what I am going to do when my kids are in school and I would like to work in a part time job that pays well with benefits and allows me flexibility. That is an issue that a lot of women want but aren't finding in this current state of affairs. Peskowitz also mentioned the media wars where they focus on Working Moms Vs. Stay At Home Moms and showed an entirely different point of view that is not being shown in the television shows and in newspapers or other media. She has discovered that most moms value one another. She also has discovered that there are dads out there who would like to be home more and work less so they can be a part of raising their children. (That was a favorite part of mine because my husband doesn't get to see his kids as much as he would like to because of his second shift job and I consider him a full time dad as well as a full time employee for his company!) She also mentioned housework and the drudgery involved ~~ and that employers/governments don't recognize being a housewife is a full time job in itself. The discrimination against women is mentioned too. A huge portion of this book is devoted to the lack of working conditions favorable to moms everywhere. Women give up working simply because it's too exhausting to work a fulltime job and come home to raise a family. Women leave good paying jobs where they travel extensively once a child is born simply because it's not compatible for their lifestyles. Women have to fight to breast-feed their children or have a break to pump their milk. Women don't want to leave their jobs especially if they have worked very hard to get to where they are at, but employers are gener

An important introduction to the mothers movement of today

Skip "Perfect Madness" and read this instead. Peskowitz has researched her topic thoroughly, and it shows in this thoughtful, important book. After reading this book and "Perfect Madness," I was puzzled that "The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars" has received comparatively little media attention. Unlike Warner, Peskowitz analyzes how cultural attitudes about parenting and the ideal worker affect mothers in all socioeconomic classes - and she does so with style and grace.

The most important book on family life this year

Forget the much-hyped "Perfect Madness," this is the book that should be on the cover of Newsweek. Miriam Peskowitz expertly weaves together research, analysis, personal stories and her own thoughtful insights to paint a picture of a nation of women hungry for the social change needed to end the "working mom vs stay at home mom" debate once and for all. This is a must read for anyone interested in the zeitgeist of modern motherhood. Katie Allison Granju Author, "Attachment Parenting" www.katieallisongranju.com