The Thousand Dollar Campfire: Kens, Karens & Bullies

By James Curtis Geist

Is there anything that screams fall more than autumn leaves, cool crisp air, roasted marshmallows and stories with friends by the campfire? Even SpongeBob SquarePants says, "Let's gather around the campfire and sing a campfire song "

In West Milford New Jersey, you may be guilty of six false fire alarms, and not be fined over $1,000 until your seventh offense in the course of a year. On the other hand, you can be fined $1,000 if the Fire Marshall see any leaves, pine needles or branches less than three inches with a $1,000 summons. On March 5th of 2025, I was charged with a $1,000 summons for a campfire in a chiminea on my property. For twenty-two years I had campfires with no issues. My neighbor, literally 15 feet away from my property has never once complained about campfire smoke once.

See, this really is not about the local Fire Bureau, but about a neighborhood Karen and two Kens. A Karen is a pejorative slang term referring to middle class women who are perceived as entitled and demand their way. They often call security, the manager or the police to get their way. A Ken is the male version of a Karen. Friggin' Karens and Kens.

Since August, when the red Dodge Ram pickup truck or the white Lexus hatchback passed my home when I was having a campfire, the authorites would show up within one to and and half hours later. I always had a fire permit, and called the police beforehand, and checked the N.J. Forest Fire Service web site if it was safe to burn. It is amazing that some people are so miserable in their lives, when they see someone enjoying life, they feel the need to rain on their neighbor's parade. It also was the year of a Presidential election, and perhaps this was some kind of payback for my progressive views.

Luckily, since I knew that my Karen and two Kens had declared war on my privilege of having campfires, I began documenting their hinky behavior. I really had no problems with the Police, the N.J. Forest Fire Service and with the supervisor of the Fire Bureau, but the Fire Marshall acted as a bully with me. My guess was he was friends with the the red pickup truck Ken or the Karen and Ken who drove the white Lexus hatchback.

In the end, I filed an appeal with the County Court, and this book documents my experience from enjoying campfires, to getting harrassed by the neighborhood Ken and Karens, interactions with the local authorities to the day of my interaction with the Fire Marshall and his $1,0000 summons and my day in Appeals Court. In my life in court, I have won only 25% of the time, so I really was not planning on winning my case, but I was going to give it a shot. I figured it was not 50/50, for the authorities usually have the advantage. I figure I had a 40% chance of winning.

In 1965, Johnny Cash was fined $82, 000 for starting a forest fire with his camper truck in Los Padres National Forest. Endangered California Condors died, and the outlaw country star, suffering from drug addiction said, "Who cares about those yellow buzzards? I don't And I did not start the fire, my truck did." Cash was on a fishing trip and the forest fire burned 508 acres, and called for 400 fire fighters, a troupe of helijumpers, five air tankers, 150 Seabees and a prison inmate crew to put out the fire.

All I know is if I lose my case, I will be paying $81,000 less than the Man in Black did.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0FF3H9Z54
• ISBN13: 9798287196967
• Release Date: June 2025
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 50 Pages
• Weight: 0.18 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.1" x 6.0" x 9.0"