The Teddy Bear Conspiracies

By Myke Feinman and Anthony Feinman

Book Overview

The Roswell crash experts are all wrong. It wasn't a weather balloon as the government claims. It wasn't little green men either. The pilots that crashed in the remote New Mexico desert in July 1947 were four teddy bears. Or more precisely, they were four aliens that look like teddy bears. Nonsense, you say? Well consider the proof contained within the pages of this whimsical sci-fi spoof ripped from the headlines in the supermarket tabloids. This story pokes fun at just about every alien conspiracy theory ever foisted upon human beings. This work has been described as "Winnie the Pooh meets the X-Files." It documents a terrifying, compelling saga of a war raging for more than half a century right here on Earth between two alien races. The Orisha The Orisha come from a planet orbiting the constellation Ursa Major, a.k.a. the Great Bear (where else?). They look like 18-inch teddy bears and freeze stiff into a state of suspended hibernation when humans approach. Therefore, that teddy bear on the shelf in your house could actually be one of the Orishans. The Orishans are beary loving beings. They don't even have weapons that can kill. They carry Attitude-Adjuster-Sleeper-Blasters that put the enemy to sleep. The enemy wakes up the next day with a much nicer attitude. The Arjogun The Arjogun, by contrast to the Orisha, are just the opposite. They are what humans refer to as the "alien grays," and favor logic over emotion. However, they have plenty of emotions, especially hatred for the Orisha. The Arjogun have been trying to destroy the planet Orisha for centuries, but can't get past a barrier of powerful love the Orishan Wizards have placed around their home planet. Earth, on the other hand, has no such protection. The Arjogun are afraid of the humans, fearing their nuclear weapons will be used on alien races once the humans figure out how to travel across the vastness of outer space. The Arjogun decide to perform a pre-emptive strike on Earth: make a deal with the humans by trading weather control technology before the humans destroy the Arjogun. The Crew In "The Teddy Bear Conspiracies," four Orishans crash on Earth near Roswell, New Mexico in July 1947. The ship contains a "Hug" of Orishans, or squad, led by Captain Schaumburg Harmony. Schaumburg is the only member of the Orishan High Command Space Fleet who has not earned his License To Hug, a coveted honor denoting that the operative has the right to infiltrate other societies and spy for the Orishan High Command. On his last mission, Schaumburg ordered his crew to save the life of an Arjogun agent. That order resulted in Schaumburg failing to carry out his assigned mission, therefore he did not earn the License To Hug. Schaumburg's crew includes his wife, Millennium "Leni" Harmony, a powerful Wizard in the Mystical Order of the Golden Paw. Leni has recently completed her studies in Wizardry and has not yet earned her Wizard's wand. Next is Schaumburg's second-in-command, Commander Louis LaHug, a feisty Orishan who wears a pirate hook on one paw "just to look cool." Louis is also the "procurement officer" for Schaumburg's Hug. In other words, he steals needed stuff while the Hug is in the field. The final crewmember is the ship's counselor and medical officer, Chocolate Harmony. Chocolate traveled to Earth with her big brother Schaumburg on her first deep-space mission for the Orishan High Command. She is the most empathetic of the four Orishans, which helps her in her medical profession. Orishan Society The Orishan High Command ruled that Schaumburg acted correctly on his last mission, but still withheld his License To Hug. A rival in the Orishan Command, Frank Vil, never lets Schaumburg forget he lacks his License To Hug. Vil is also off on a mission to Earth, arriving in the summer of 1947.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 141344069X
• ISBN13: 9781413440690
• Release Date: July 2004
• Publisher: Xlibris Us
• Length: 386 Pages
• Weight: 1.08 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.9" x 6.3" x 8.5"
• Age Range: 9 to 12 years
• Grade Range: Grades 4 to 7

Customer Reviews

A book to be enjoyed as funny and entertaining

The Teddy Bear Conspiracies is a rather unique story. It is a amalgamation of everything that is Myke Feinman. Myke Feinman's stories are meant to be taken as funny. They are combined with a little bit of history and have a message about issues that may be occuring in everyday life. This is one such story. Hence the amusing title, The Teddy Bear Conspriacies. I think it is interesting that this story's hero, an little alien resembling a bear named Schaumburg Harmony, has to combat foes, the Arjogun's (the grey aliens), that are trying to disrupt human life. Schaumburg and his "Hug" are forced fight their enemies more out of necessity than choice. Their world was once a utopia until the Arjogun's invaded. The Arjogun's have done this to other world's in the past. Earth is next and their invasion has beeen going on for decades. The Arjogun have connections in just the right places and have directed certain events in their favor by preying on human fears. Schaumburg's first arrivial on Earth is the catalist that starts all the conspiracies thoeries that many have grown up with about Area 51 and the alien phenomenon. The Arjogun push this one step further by using this accidental encounter as proof that Schaumburg and his kind are the enemy. They offer their help to the humans as sign of good faith. Schaumburg and his Hug come to Earth and are faced with violence, betrayal, and conspiracies. For this reason, they have to keep their presence a secret. With so much adversity against them, they somehow, at the end, are able to save humanity by promoting the truth, doing the morally right thing, and proving that things are not always how they seem on the outside. This is a story of hope. Hope that someday, humans come overcome their fears and come to terms with who they are and how they fit into the grand scheme of things. Sound really heavy, doesn't it? Not really because the whole story is done in the spirit of fun. Don't pick up this story and expect to be bombared with a lot of preachy overtones. Pick up this book for its entertainment value and the witty commentary. I guarentee you'll be mildly surprised at what can beat in the heart of even the smallest of beings.

When is the movie coming out?

This would make a great flick! The book is paced very well so that the reader finds it hard to put it down. The story is about alien grays who try to destroy the world. A group of friendl aliens that look like teddy bears help the humans stop the alien grays. There's a little bit of romance, lots of adventure, good humor and great fun! Highly rec. for children 11 and older!

This book is great for all ages

Myke Feinman, who has made an international reputation as a cartoonist, has turned his talents to writing a novel that all ages will like. From his legendary hidden lair on the lower east side of Streator, he has penned a novel that will keep you on the edge of your seat, and will keep your sides splitting from laughter. That's because it's hard to sit on the edge of a seat while your sides are splitting. This may be the best book about alien teddy bears from outer space invading the earth that has been written in 2004. It's frightening yet delightful,horrifying yet funny. His son, Anthony Feinman, an accomplished cartoonist in his own right, is listed as co-author. Yet it is the teddy bears who are the subjects of this book who are the real authors; I got this on good advice from a sci-fi website run by a guy in a comic book hero costume at the Chicago Comic-Con, and those guys have a code so you know it's true. Anyway, buy this book. You won't be disappointed.

A real page-turner!

You won't be able to put this book down! I am the author, Myke Feinman. The book has been described as "Winnie the Pooh meets the X-files" and "The Da Vinci Code for teddy bears." It reads very fast! If you like sci fi, or fantasy, you will be love my spoof of all those alien conspiracy theories, the crash at Roswell and all that rot! I put it all together for the first time in a funny, logical way that will not only keep you laughing, but get you thinking about how you treat your fellow beings on the planet Earth.This is my first real novel, working as a cartoonist on previous books.Check it out. You'll love it!

The truth can finally be revealed

So you think little green men crashed at Roswell, New Mexico in 1947, eh? Well, the truth can now be told. It wasn't little green men, it was little furry creatures that look like teddy bears! And they came to Earth to stop the little green men (or as they are called in the book, the alien grays, a.k.a. the Arjogun) from destroying mankind. The furry creatures are called Orishans and have been waging a battle against the evil alien grays on Earth for several decades. This book will suck you in right from the start and you will not be able to put it down. Highly recommended!