The Real Thing

by Kurt Andersen

Book Overview

You may already know that Belgium is the most boring country on planet Earth, but do you know why? Or what makes the Mark 44, Model O Lazy Dog Missile Cluster, the sexiest piece of military hardware on wheels? Or how LSD edged out all contenders as the Platonic Ideal of illicit drugs?
From cities to sitcoms, from scotch to soda, from English monarchs to French movies, The Real Thing is a compendium of the quintessential, providing definitive...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0803220553
• ISBN13: 9780803220553
• Release Date: December 2008
• Publisher: Bison Books
• Length: 200 Pages
• Weight: 0.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 5.2" x 7.8"

Customer Reviews

Sen-Sen explains it all for you

Sen-Sen on affectations: "The phrase 'have no' used instead of 'don't speak'--as in 'I have no Celtic' is pretentious, but less horrifying than actually speaking Celtic." Sen-Sen on boring countries: "The craw-sticker is that Belgium actually considers itself one of us, a highly civilized country ... Their pathetic excuse for a social problem is the bad blood between the Flemings and the Walloons. And that's as good a measure as any: a place where the grievance of something called a 'Walloon' is taken seriously is a place that deserves a yawn as its national anthem, a swatch of off-white chintz as its flag." The craw-sticker about Sen-Sen is that he's constantly lapsing into cutesy-poo whimsy. Like all that boring crap about limericks & Neptunians & haikus & Elwood Ullman. But what's even more infuriating about Sen-Sen is his refusal to question the necessity of that goddam hyphen in the word "Chee-tos". Sen-Sen on industrial foods: "Chee-tos are the real thing ... Unlike most inconvenient foods, Chee-tos aren't chewed. Disintegration may be the closest word in any Indo-European language to describe what happens to Chee-tos in the mouth. And don't expect a burst of hearty cheddar flavor, for again, what you experience is an artful representation of cheese's taste. What's wrong with that? The ability to use symbols is what distinguishes man from the lower species. You don't see dolphins snacking on Jeno's Pizza Rolls, do you?"

Oustanding humorous essays

The very best collection of funny essays since the heyday of Mencken and Thurber. Andersen writes with equal authority on bourbon, cola and lazy dog missile clusters. With the success of his new novel, I hope this collection will see its way back into print.

Pungent Good Fun!

I am absolutely appalled that this book is out of print. All those readers who have yet to experience the keen-wit and affected arrogance of the fabulous Mr. Andersen... really, it's heart-breaking. The Real Thing is extraordinarily amusing. I think it's safe to say that only certain types of people will enjoy this fabulous collection of satirical essays. His chapters on Affectations and Self-help Quizzes were especially hilarious. Many of the pop-culture references were before my time but, I still found the entire book humourous. I envy the elevation in experience of those readers who actually remember the early 80's. I urge everyone to track down a copy of this book. Mr. Andersen is my hero.