The Random Thoughts of the ELD Guy #1

By Lonnie Jepsen, LRPJ J.A.G.F. (TM)

From the author's incredible Introduction:

I am impossible. I was born just after dirt was invented in Iowa. Even on the day I was born I caused trouble. My mother had 11 miscarriages before I was born, and I weighed a gigantic 2 lbs. 3 oz. at birth. I spent the first five months of my life in the hospital, and I was given the last rites twice. That is why I am the only person with my name in the whole world. It just proves that God has a sense of humor and is very sneaky. God created me just like a duck billed platypus and for the same reason; to be pleasing. My crib was a wooden bucket and yes, I have the picture to prove it. I nearly drowned twice and had pneumonia six times in one year. Along my journey in life, I have tried to commit suicide three times. I contracted an unknown disease which caused me to be in comas for seven years. I spent 289 days in the hospital in 2013. I forgot how to walk twice, was put on life support five times and my heart stopped four times. I have also had three hemorrhagic strokes. I do not have much of a short-term memory. I may repeat myself a few times.

Please allow for some grace for some of the stuff that I repeat (that may sum it up). I just put down what comes to mind. During the ups and downs, I weighed between 315 pounds and 157 pounds. This is just the highlights or low lights depending on your point of view. Mostly I saw no light. In 2014 I was the third person in line for a transplant on a Thursday. Saturday morning at 3 AM (notice God laughing again) the nurse walked in and said the other two folks were too small for the organ. An operation that was supposed to take 10 hours took five. I got a brand-new bellybutton and a hood ornament. I have a Mercedes symbol on my tummy. After that, I saw the light and decided to be upgraded to a child of light. I have been to the finish line at least twelve times and have been brought back so I just keep on becoming more impossible as I go along.

I am not exactly old, nor am I wise enough to be an elder, but I are ELD. Our journeys are not only measured in time and distance but also in the experiences that we have along the way. The difference between old and eld is: Old is Over Long Distances; Eld is over Extremely Long Distances. My journey has been extremely long (in fact I flew around the world in 11 days. I spent four and a half days in a series of airplanes) and have had a lot of ups and downs, I had to climb a lot of rocks, and I occasionally took the wrong turn. I have been led to share my journey and some of the experiences and observations that I have had.

What follows in this book is what comes into my mind. Space has been added to the book so you can make take notes. There will be a little bit for everyone. I will mix a little laughter, silliness, an occasional pearl of wisdom. You will find that I are a mess, but a happy mess none the less. You might say I am mixed up. If you only read the words you will find yourself tied up in knots. Look for the meaning(s) behind the words.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B09GZPF6H2
• ISBN13: 9798482512326
• Release Date: September 2021
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 180 Pages
• Weight: 0.52 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.4" x 5.5" x 8.5"