The Princess and the Plumber: Beast to Beauty

By M David Lutz

Princess Tundra has a problem. A big one. Several, actually. For starters, she is the largest and least aesthetically pleasing maiden in the entire Kingdom of Parking-Lot-a realm famous for its potholes, questionable fashion, and a royal family whose combined common sense could fit comfortably inside a thimble.

Naturally, her parents-the King and Queen-want her married off immediately, preferably to someone with a pulse and a tolerance for surprises. Enter Olaf: a towering oaf with the emotional intelligence of a damp sponge but the loyalty of a golden retriever. He becomes her friend, mostly because no one else is brave enough to approach her without protective gear.

Desperate, the King summons his court magician, a man whose magical r sum includes such triumphs as "turning a chicken slightly blue" and "making a hat smell faintly of cinnamon." Predictably, his beauty potion goes catastrophically wrong, sending Tundra into a deep sleep reminiscent of Sleeping Beauty-except without the beauty, grace, charm, or general appeal.

As Tundra slowly wastes away, the King dispatches his bravest knights. Unfortunately, they were all busy, so he sends the other ones-the bumbling, clanking, directionally challenged knights-on a quest to find a cure in a land so far away it's practically a tax write-off. They gallop forth with great enthusiasm and absolutely no idea what they're doing.

Unbeknownst to them, the Queen has secretly sent Olaf to ensure the mission doesn't end in the usual royal disaster. Along the way, they face ridiculous dangers, improbable creatures, and at least one argument about whether coconuts can be used as proper horse substitutes.

Will they succeed? Will Tundra awaken? Will the knights ever learn how maps work?

This is not your usual fairy tale. It's a grown-up romp that pokes fun at royalty, romance, heroism, and anyone standing too close. Beneath the absurdity lies a story with surprising warmth, touching moments, and enough humor to make even the sternest guard snort into his helmet.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B084DKDBM3
• ISBN13: 9798608974915
• Release Date: February 2020
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.72 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.0" x 9.0"