The Other Mother: A Woman's Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption

by Carol Schaefer

Book Overview

The author recounts how she was forced to give her baby up for adoption and stay in a home for unwed mothers, and describes her feelings meeting the grownup son she never knew.

• Format: Hardcover
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0939149419
• ISBN13: 9780939149414
• Release Date: January 1991
• Publisher: Soho Press
• Length: 295 Pages
• Weight: 1.45 lbs.
• Dimensions: 1.2" x 6.5" x 9.6"

Customer Reviews

Can I give it 10 stars? A MUST READ!!!

A must read for anyone connected to an adoption... 5 stars is just not enough!I am a 37 year old adoptee that has finally made the decision to find my birthparents. My stomach did flips through the entire book. What really intrigued me is that I have the same exact feelings as Carol (a birthparent), but I am an adoptee. How is that so? I could feel everything Carol went through with tremendous emotion. I felt so connected to every wince of her pain. Each experience she described tore open my heart, yet I felt comfort in it. I have never been able to identify with another on such a strong level. The book was an experience and I am sure I will read it once or twice more. Just like a roller coaster.If you are a birthparent, adoptee or an adoptive parent you owe it to yourself to read this book - trust me. Your own feelings will jump off of every page and hit you right in the heart. Absolutely incredible!

Another view besides an "adoptee's"

This book was RIVETING!!!!! I am an adoptee who is in the reunion process with my birthfamily and have always read materials that related to other adoptees and their searches. This book explores the most intimate feelings a birthmother deals with, including the pregnancy, the birth and the separation. It helped me to completely understand how my birthmother is/was feeling and what I can do to help her. Thank you for writing this book, Carol!!!! I felt your pain, your grief and your happiness!! You are truly an inspiration to every member of the triad!!!!!

A Profound, Spiritual, Healing Journey...

Jane Guttman GiftJGDC@aol.comInspiring... Eloquent... Healing...Extraordinary... A Mother's Tender and Poignant Love StoryThe Other Mother has been a profound catalyst in opening my mind and heart to the birthmother's journey. Carol Schaefer has offered her voice as teacher, as guide to those of us who have travelled the tragic road of relinquishing a child. Her poignant and extraordinary account of the dark and despairing birthmother experience has fostered the expression of courage to seek further healing and resolution.As I shared in my book, The Gift Wrapped in Sorrow, Carol's book is a sacred offering to those touched by the anguish of adoption.I recommend this book to all who have endured the sorrow of separation and consider it to be a great tribute to every mother and child "lost" to one another.This book stands as a classic in adoption reform and brings us all closer to our own humanity and compassion. This author, this mother has brilliantly captured the essence of the primal bond that characterizes a mother and her child.Jane Guttman D.C., Author, The Gift Wrapped in Sorrow, Holistic Health Practitioner, Soma Sound: The Voice of Memory

Outstanding encapsulation of the birth parent experience.

I recommend this book to everyone who is seeking to understand the birthparent journey. I am an adoption professional involved with searching for 19 years. I find Carol's book to be a gem. Carol has done an outstanding job of encapsulating the birthparent experience. She raises the consciousness of anyone who reads her story.Adopted persons tell me consistently how impacted they have been by what they have learned. Empathy toward their birthmother is deepened and courage to pursue a search is enhanced.Birthparents tell me how validated they feel after years of loneliness and anguish related to the loss of their children. Carol speaks their journey through her story. Powerful outcome.Adoptive parents have also been impacted as they learn the effect of the adoption experience of birthparents. This allows them to better support their children's expressed needs which may include a search for birthfamily. Their empathy grows and their fear of the search and the birthmother diminishes. Professionals also benefit from learning from Carol. No matter what role they play in the field of adoption, building sensitivity about the birthparent experience is crucial. This book can accomplish this.I highly recommend this book to anyone involved with, or interested in, adoption.Patricia Martinez Dorner, MA, LPC, LMFT co-author, Children of Open Adoption, author, How to Open an Adoption: a guide for parents & birthparents of minors, Adoption Search: An Ethical Guide for Professionals , Talking to Your Child About Adoption.

The Best Birthmother Memoir

"The Other Mother" by Carol Schaefer is still the best memoir written by a woman who gave up a child for adoption. Although many others have come out since, none have surpassed it. In many ways, Carol's experience as a middle-class pregnant single woman in the 1960's is the archetypal adoption story, especially for those birthmothers whose families sent them off to Homes for Unwed Mothers. She tells her story in plain, vivid, and very moving style, that lends itself well to the movie this book became. As a birthmother myself, I found that every word rang true. The reunion portion of the book is the fairytale that most birthmothers long for, but few achieve. Carol Schaefer handles this material with rare humility and grace--what in lesser hands could have become self-congratulatory and smug is presented here with wonder and gratitude--the wonderful reunion as a gift, not a right, nor the result of "doing it right." This is a fine book for anyone to read--but it is especially relevant to those touched by adoption. Adult adoptees can learn a lot about what many birthmothers experienced in the 60's, and adoptive parents can gain insight into the "other side" of the adoption coin--the pain that became their joy. Birthmothers can see their own experience validated and brought out into the light in Carol's story--they will find themselves saying "yes, that is how it was, that is how it feels." This is a well-written, sincere, and lovely book, and the author's generous and kind soul shines through every page. I highly recommend it!Mary Anne Manning Cohen: Birthmother, Poet, Origins Co-Founder