Nobody fails at love in general. Everybody fails at a specific coordinate.
Three books ago I wrote that there are four kinds of people and sixteen ways they pair. Readers kept writing back with the same objection: I recognise myself completely, and I have met somebody with my result who is nothing like me.
They were right. One model answers one question, and there are three.
How you operate - fast or slow, direct or indirect. This is behaviour, and it is what people see. What you are reaching for - safety, freedom, recognition, permanence. This is motivation, and it is nearly invisible from outside. Where you stop - and this is the one that matters, because it is the only one you can change.
Together they produce nine positions: the Bracer, the Provider, the Performer, the Absorber, the Architect, the Escaper, the Merger, the Verifier, the Builder.
You are one and a half of them. So is the person opposite you. And the argument you keep having is not general - it happens at one coordinate, the same one every time, and it is almost always lower than you think.