Being in a relationship with a married man is hard. It is wonderful and it is unbelievably difficult. You can't talk to anyone about it - even people whom you thought would accept it/be happy for you (they don't have to actively support it) can be surprisingly judgemental. The secrecy adds to the... well, insanity. I read this book and was astonished and relieved to find that I was one among many, that my experiences and feelings were common - it was the closest I have come to a validation that I am not crazy. ;) Yes, it is of an academic nature, but even that helps. I highly recommend it.
Published by Thriftbooks.com User , 23 years ago
this book is empowering to those who fit the title, and informative and myth-shattering to others. i cannot disagree more with the previous reviewer, this book is extremely accessible. while reading through the descriptions, case studies, and most importantly the "stages" of these affairs, i was angered, enlightened, and ultimately empowered to do something about my situation. i believed there was something "deranged" or "weak" about me for falling in love with a married man, and against all better sense - but this book showed me how intelligent, otherwise self-respecting women can "let" this happen. turns out, affairs with married men (with a few exceptions which are explained in book) are formulaic. even the loss of self esteem and withdrawl from friends was almost universally experienced by the women in this sample. if you are involved in an affair with a married man, you need to read this. if you are a married woman, you need to read this. and yes, if you are a man with a "mistress", you should read this too. the book is well organized into the stages the relationship usually goes through, and what happens after. there is also a lengthy discussion about what has "set up" the conditions in our society so that all these affairs could even happen; including the so-called "man-shortage" of the 80's, and the emergence of women in the workplace over the past few decades. another excellent read for women who are "Other Women" is "This Affair is Over!" (see my review there) - these two books have literally changed my life, and you could even say *saved* me from future heartbreak and time wasted. here is a gem from this book: on how a woman falls in love without intending to: "It is his marital staus which sets the stage for the creation of the second world: the hiding of reality. His marital status leads to the relationship being carried on in private and with time constraints. ...Single woman-married man time is mostly intimate... the time together is treated as 'special' 'worthwhile' and 'important'. Even minor annoyances can be ignored because there is no reason to magnify them because the realtionship is, after all time constrained. Unexpectedly, but as a direct result of the man's marital status the stage has been set for her to care about him, perhaps even to fall in love. The necessary cultural props are in place: the two are alone together."I apologise to anyone who emailled me before, but the responses were overwhelming and I was unable to reply.
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