The Five Minute Iliad Other Instant Classics: Great Books for the Short Attention Span

by Greg Nagan

Book Overview

Was Homer really blind, or was that just his shtick? Was Dante a righty or a lefty? Why aren't there any pictures of Jane Austen in a bikini? What made Oscar so Wilde? How much did Hemingway? These are just some of the many great questions of Western literature ignored in this book.
From the author of A Prairie Home Companion's beloved "Five-Minute Classics" comes The Five-Minute Iliad and Other Instant Classics, a witty and profane...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0684867672
• ISBN13: 9780684867670
• Release Date: August 2000
• Publisher: Gallery Books
• Length: 224 Pages
• Weight: 0.62 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 5.4" x 8.7"

Customer Reviews

Hilarious spoofs

If Dave Barry ever rewrote the classics, it might turn out like this book. If this is literature, then "Friends" is a documentary. And that is just the way it should be.Greg Nagan rewrites a bunch of the most famous novels ever written. After a fragmented and historically dubious description of the origins of Western lit (bet you never knew "Gilgamesh" and the Bible were dueling for the bestseller list), he begins at the beginning. First comes a rather mangled version of the Iliad, which is written with a great deal of goofy gore. Then the Divine Comedy (well, part of it anyway), which has been rewritten in limerick form. Milton's "Paradise Lost" is the next victim, where (after eating the apple) Adam says to Eve, "Come to Daddy, baby!" Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" is also fair game, in an ultra-repressed England where passionate young women with dewy heaving bosoms fall for rotters. (And Elinor does something unspeakably funny with a knitting needle) Then it's to the pit of England's misery in Charles Dickens' "Christmas Carol," where Scrooge is escorted by the spirits to another Dickins novel. Melville's "Moby-Dick" has a loony captain and a bunch of rather clueless sailors in search of a big white whale. Dostoyevsky's "Crime and Punishment" features a squalid Russian killing other squalid Russians in a very squalid, depressing Russia. Oscar Wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray" has two repressed (yeah right!) English guys trying to either corrupt or save Dorian Gray, a beautiful lad who becomes psychotically self-serving. ("Cool.") Stoker's "Dracula" is another example of repressed English people and wimpy women who sleepwalk -- oh yeah, and a foreign doctor with a weird acent, and a vampire. Kafka's "Metamorphosis" is hilariously nihilistic, with a family who becomes nasty and intolerant just because a man has become a bug. James Joyce's "Ulysses" has been painstaking condensed down to one sentence. Orwell's "1984" has a guy rebelling against Big Brother (and no, it isn't a family drama) by reading a dense book and sleeping with a girl. Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye" essentially has Holden stomping around, contemplating how much he hates the universe. (The description also applies to the original work) Hemingway's "Old Man and the Sea" parodies, in particular, the rambling conversations ("Yes, they are different." "Different." "Yes." "But not bad." "No." "No, not the same." "Yes.") The book rounds off with "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac, which goes from beginning to end in one long rambly sentence.Perhaps the funniest thing about this is not just that Nagan spoofs the novels, but the authors behind them. Wilde's story contains one of the funniest examples of this, spoofing the gay undertones of his book ("Of course I'm not! I'm an impeccably repressed Victorian gentleman!"), followed by the dreary Russian misery of Dosteyevsky and the don't-remove-your-gloves-lest-a-man-see-your-delicate-wrists repression of Austen's time. (Yet jamming

Unforgettable

I laughed aloud while reading this book, and have recommended it to every one of my friends. It's not just a blanket recommendation, either: I know so many diverse folks I try to cater my suggestions to each taste. But this one will tickle anyone who's ever read any of those Great Books. I think teachers would benefit from perusing Greg Nagan's take on things before they make up their next list of reading requirements. I found that most of his interpretations were so wonderful, so hilarious, they left a powerful impression. I hate to admit it, but some of his subtle wit even opened my eyes to a few new insights. Reading it is like getting to eat your chocolate cake before dinner, so anyone about to jump on one of the classics visited in THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD might want to read this inspired author's offering before beginning... Absolutely fantastic.

This is humour!

Five Minute Iliad is the funniest and most intelligent book I've read in ages. Nagan's humour is superb - I will never be able to pick up Moby Dick again whitout laughing my head of. His obvious love for his material mixed with a sharp and profound irony provides you with all you need to know about these classics. Can't wait to see what he'll come up with next. Hurry up, Greg Nagan!

Inspires Kleptomania

The other day one of my friends saw this book on my coffee table and rolled her eyes. 'Just what America needs', she sighed, 'more dumbing down'. So I dared her to read it. She opened up to the Crime and Punishment parody, started giggling, and left my apartment with the book in her bag. Yesterday she told me she was keeping the book, so here I am to order a new one.Don't make the mistake my friend almost made! This isn't Cliff notes or a bunch of little summaries, these are hysterical parodies that would be equally at home in the New Yorker or Mad Magazine. The classics he chose are a pretty good survey of western lit, though I don't know as I would have included On the Road or Dracula, even though I think they're two of the funniest parodies in the book.I have to admit I never read some of the books before, and though the parodies were still pretty funny I think the ones of the books I've read probably made me laugh a little harder. Also I think the historical introductions are a howl, especially the one about Ulysses, but they're too short.Read this book, but keep it where your friends can't see it!

A good, smart, funny book

I have to confess. I'm one of the lucky ones. I received an advance copy of Greg Nagan's FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD. This book is like... Prozac. No, wait, follow me on this one. Nagan's book made me giggle and laugh and want to share it with everyone. Even with my IT cube-dwelling mates. (Information Technologies, for the acronym-disinclined.) How to explain to programmers and tech support people why Nagan's "Paradise Lost" is inspired or "On the Road" is so damn fine?Let them read it. Force them. Watch their eyes move through the lines. Try not to blurt, "Where are you? What part?" when they start smiling. This book makes people feel good.Test it for yourself. Find the grouchiest, meanest, drunkest sonovabitch you know - maybe your boss, maybe your spouse, maybe... you - and make them read "The Inferno." Out loud.Stitches. You'll both be in stitches. Happy stitches. Who else but Greg Nagan elevates "The Inferno" from a stuffy English translation into limerick?Make friends with this book. Read THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD in restaurants or bars. See what happens. "What are you reading? What's so funny? You have a beautiful smile. Can I buy you a drink?" Again, test it for yourself.This is a good, smart, funny book. I defy you to sustain a bad mood while reading THE FIVE-MINUTE ILIAD. And it's cheaper than Prozac.