The Complicated Heart: Loving Even When It Hurts

by Sarah Mae

Book Overview

People always ask Sarah how she forgave her alcoholic mother.

How do you forgive someone who wounded you so deeply, who carelessly brushed aside your pain, who caused such destruction? How do you forgive them when your wounds are still open, they show no remorse, and you're so tangled up with them you're not sure how to get untangled?

These are the questions Sarah Mae has wrestled with since she was fourteen years old--the year she...

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1462796982
• ISBN13: 9781462796984
• Release Date: September 2019
• Publisher: B&H Books
• Length: 240 Pages
• Weight: 0.65 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 5.6" x 8.4"

Customer Reviews

An Essential Resource for Everyone!

"The Complicate Heart" undid me! I too have/had a complicated relationship with my mother. My mother passed away when I was eighteen. I didn't fully realize that healing still needed to take place until I became a mother. I share that personal information to now explain how impactful this book has been. While reading this book I felt like the author Sarah Mae had a scanner and could just read me, read me better than I can read me! The way she shared her and her mom's story was captivating. I could not put the book down, I read it in a day. Then she shares what to do with your pain and your grief and dysfunction. I so appreciate that she doesn't leave us hanging. She shares what worked for her and others. I finished the book feeling encouraged in the work and progress I have made so far, and I feel equipped to know what to do to continue the work. Sarah Mae shares about her relationship with her mother, but this book isn't a tool/resource for mother daughter relationships, this book is a tool & resource for any relationship. Sarah Mae's The Complicated Heart has marked my life for the good.

Powerful Story of Forgiveness

Sarah Mae has penned an intimate, powerful book about processing her difficult relationship with her abusive alcoholic mother. The book is honest, refusing to sugar coat their struggles. The author shares how hard it was to watch her mother deteriorate over the years, eventually losing her to cirrhosis of the liver in 2016. Mae shares her personal recollections, along with portions of her mother's journals, to give the reader perspective from both women. This is not a light hearted read, but it is worth the investment of emotion. The author continues to decompartmentalize her youth and young adult years, as painful and joyous as they could be while gaining the understanding that the same God that loved her also loved her broken mother. The author encourages the reader to examine the relationships that cause pain and heartache in their own lives by enforcing boundaries, expressing emotions and attempting reconciliation. I think this book would be a useful tool for those who have experienced a close relationship that causes heartache. It would also be a helpful resource for those who counsel or work with others who struggle with familial relationships fraught with abuse of any kind. While "The Complicated Heart" was a difficult memoir to read, it was a beautiful example of how God takes the ruined parts of our lives and makes them glorious. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book: "It is a rare gift to be able to trace a life, to see what makes us fall and what makes us stand again." "Light has stepped into the pit, quietly sitting down next to me." "Our worth and value is only dependent on how Christ sees us, and he sees us as righteous. He loves us. We are secure in Him." "He loves me. And when I turn from Him and go my own way, escaping my pain with whatever my addiction, trying to fix the broken places with false fixtures, He comes for me." I was an early reviewer, thanks to B&H Publishing group. All opinions are my own and I chose to review the book. 6 people found this helpful

Beautiful and hope-filled

This book is a deeply personal account of the author’s experiences and memories in relationship with her alcoholic mother, interspersed with entries from her late mother’s own journal. Although Sarah is in many ways simply telling her own story with striking honesty, she also gently leads her reader with a struggling heart to a place of greater courage, hope and healing. While at times heartbreaking to read, The Complicated Heart is saturated with grace and love that points solely to Christ. *I was honored to receive an ARC copy for preview from the publisher.

This book is about so much more than a damaged relationship between a mom and daughter...

This book is about so much more than a damaged relationship between a mom and daughter and the redemption found through Jesus. This book is about trauma of any kind and how God can use that to redeem the victim and bring glory to Himself while doing it. I have followed Sarah Mae and her writing for many years and as a result knew of the trauma she experienced in her relationship with her mom. This book gave a raw and deep look into the details of that trauma and I’m incredibly thankful Sarah Mae bared her soul and share her story with us. Initially, I was skeptical that I would benefit much from this book as my relationship with my mom is healthy and whole. But this book isn’t just about the fractured relationship between Sarah Mae and her mom. It’s about opening up wounds of any kind and allowing Jesus to redeem and restore those wounds through the grace and hope found in Him. I think everyone should read this book, because after all, we all have hurts of some kind and despite how that hurt was caused (relationship, trauma, etc.), we could all benefit from the wisdom and insight shared by Sarah Mae in The Complicated Heart.

Truth for anyone

Loving like Jesus did is hard when someone continually hurts you. Where do you draw the line of maintaining a relationship, offering grace, and setting boundaries that allow you to heal and move forward? The Complicated Heart is one woman's story of learning to love her alcoholic mother while also learning to be emotionally healthy. Sarah Mae repeatedly took her pain to Jesus and let Him bring peace and healing, while still reaching out to her mother. Written in a journal format, alternating between Sarah's own memories and pages from her mother's journal, we see the hearts of two women, each broken by a parent's hurtful words and behavior, being drawn toward God. In her pain, Sarah Mae made choices that brought even more pain and shame to herself, but in the end, both women found redemption through God's grace. I have to admit that it was hard to read her mother's journals written as prayers to God, knowing that at the time it was written she was an alcoholic who was verbally and emotionally abusive toward her daughter. But Sarah's own love and forgiveness for her mother helped me to see it as the plea of a hurting woman who was trying to ease her own pain and didn't know how to love others because of her pain. Sarah Mae helped me view her mother through Jesus' eyes and reminded me that God sees the hurt and the hearts of people, while we can only see their actions and the results of their choices. I haven't had that complicated and painful relationship with a parent, but I still found lessons for myself within the book on how to forgive and be vulnerable and open. Sarah Mae's story is messy, and painful, as life often is, but it has been redeemed by Christ's love and she shares it so others can find hope for their own painful and messy relationships. I truly believe that anyone who struggles with the ugliness of their own past, or hurts they haven't faced, can learn something from this book. The Complicated Heart reminds us that no one's life is too ugly, too sinful, or too hurtful to be redeemed by Christ! *Disclaimer : I did receive an Advance Reader Copy of this book from the publisher, but all thoughts shared here are my own honest opinion.

A Timely, Inspiring Story

I received an advanced reader copy from B&H Publishing and this is my honest review. God used this book to wake me up... to my own life, my own heart, my own pain. This book woke me up to things I've neglected to work through. It encouraged me to deal with my own dysfunction, to stir up freedom for my past, all the while witnessing hope for broken relationships. The author reminds us that we can do the hard work of forgiveness, that we can be a part of God's redemption. We are never alone, and every story matters. This book is also helping me to let go of the unmet expectations I place on other people. It shows me that everyone is on their own journey, surrounded by their own daily battles that are often unseen. “The Complicated Heart” inspires me to walk by grace through faith, drawing near to the Father to receive His love, and to love others with His love. To surrender, to turn to Him and trust Him. To face the pain, with Him.