The Complete Idiot's Guide to Coping with Difficult People

by Arlene Matthews Uhl

Book Overview

"Easy ways of dealing with difficult people." Psychotherapist Arlene Matthews Uhl offers the most effective strategies for dealing with difficult peoplefrom strangers and co-workers to friends and... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 1592575781
• ISBN13: 9781592575787
• Release Date: May 2007
• Publisher: Alpha Books
• Length: 311 Pages
• Weight: 0.60 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 7.3" x 9.2"

Customer Reviews

Truly an emotional life saver!

I found this book by chance at the local public library. It helped me to understand the personality I was dealing with in someone I had just met and who fit the almost recipe like profile of a "Narcissistic Personality Disorder". I learned that I was not the exception but the rule. That I was not special in their life, just the next host object from which they could sustain their magical thinking and delusion of grandeur about themselves. One never has a relationship with a narcissist because they'll always come second and be completely disposable, and without remorse on the part of the narcissist who treats them so, to that person's first love; themselves. I realized, through the guidelines and insights this book provides, that this person would pay attention to me for as long as it fed and satisfied their sense of self/ego. And that they can (and did) commit what the book calls a "Dishonorable Discharge" of me from their life when they found someone else that made them feel more fulfilled and whom is easier to milk for infatuation and the adoration they crave. That person wasn't special, they were just next. Before, had I not been forewarned about this person's disorder as well and then found this book shortly thereafter, I would have fallen into the trap many of us do. I would have asked myself, as they disengaged from the intensity of our relationship unto complete absence, what did I do wrong!? The answer of course is nothing! It wasn't me! It was them. It is simply what they are. No one on Earth will ever change a narcissist. Their ego will not permit them to face their own dysfunction or their own magical thinking and false sense of self, that they've carefully and often times unconsciously crafted for themselves all their life. I was simply not responsible for how they acted toward me. They were. What I was responsible for was to recognize they are/were mentally ill and to then decide I was worth more than contributing to further their dis-ease and sickness. I left the friendship, which was never truly one in the first place on their part, and never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made because it is vital to take a self inventory when you are involved in a toxic relationship and then to realize if you can suffer, you can leave! This book covers every other personality disorder as well. From Narcissist, to passive aggressive, to social and professional obstructionists and more. It even describes the multiple personality disorders. I.E. those who suffer many of the dysfunctional personality types described, in combination. It's truly an emotional life saver and I can not recommend this book highly enough. 5 Stars without a doubt.

Excellent Book

I've read a LOT of books because I like to expand my awareness. This is the best book I have ever read on the subject of coping with difficult people. For one, it is very easy to read. Secondly, it addresses everything from other people, driven by envy, how they hide it, taking a look at ourselves as well, how to cope, how to limit your time around these people. It allows you to be angry once your awareness is expanded to what you've dealt with without letting that anger get out of hand and without adding guilt to it as well. It describes narcisstic behavior as self-worship but from a place of insecurity so the self-worship is to try to feel that void. It also describes codependency as caretaking in excess. It explains the difference between healthy narcissism and an unhealthy narcisstic personality disorder. I had someone way back in high school who wrote me suicide notes saying she was so jealous of me she wanted to kill herself. I did everything I could to make her feel better about herself. She then starting telling me she wanted to destroy all my friendships, etc. because she couldn't handle her jealousy. I was hurt because I thought this was a friend and I expected my friend to be happy for me. I separted myself from her because she was so draining but not without a lot of hurt for the damage she caused. She made up lies to turn friends against me and I couldn't believe she could get people to believe these lies. This book explains manipulation driven by envy. Every time I tried to tell people about her jealousy, it was taken as I must really think I'm something. No, it felt more like stalking and I finally found a counselor who informed me that I'm a nurturer and I'm a target for narcissists. I didn't fully understand things at that time. I later married a man who had been released from the military for a personality order - you guessed it - narcisstic. However, he had a few traits of the other personality disorders as well - anti-social, etc. He was good-looking and charming but once past that not a lot to offer. This book pulls together all the pieces of information I've learned over the years and makes you look at yourself and others. The world doesn't revolve around anyone - but you have to take care of yourself and know the boundaries of taking care of others so that the interactions are healthy. Even if you're healthy and have not had destructive relationships, this book is still great. Buy it - you won't be sorry!!!

Handy, practical, down-to-earth, and smart

I had just gotten back from a vacation to face a slew of, you guessed, it, diffiult people when a friend of mine sent me this book. Fortunately it is so well organized that I was able to zero in on help for each type of tough situation and person that I was faced with. The book offers very practical step-by-step methods for dealing with self-involved types, overly demanding blowhards, nit-picking perfctionists, passive agressive obstructionists, and just plain old "garden variety" rude, thoughtless people. Its strategies are not only effective but also will leave you feeling good about yourself and the way you handled things. The most important piece of advice in this book: You can't control anyone else but you can always control the way you react to them. In the end, that make you the powerful one. (BTW, see also this author's Complete Idiots Guide to Beating Stress.)