The Blind Archer

By Ray Mond

THE BLIND ARCHER:
Dark Comedy
It's Ace Ventura: Pet Detective meets The Naked Gun Movie
Logline: Sometimes getting your eyes shot out by your father is all it takes to see your destiny and understand your father.

Synopsis:

After the Six-time World Championship Archer, DAN "THE BULLSEYE" DAVIS, who has NEVER once missed a bull's-eye, accidentally shoots his son's, GRANT DAVIS, eyes out due to being distracted by "BIG TITTY ARCHER," INGRID, The Swedish Sensation who flashed her amazing 48DDD breast at Dan as he releases his arrow. In the midst of it all, an AMERIAN EAGLE flies towards the camera as the movie freezes. "Breaking the 4th wall". The Eagle starts to talk to us, The Movie Watcher, and tells us a story. After the Eagle finishes the story, the movie "UNFREEZES," and the Eagle gets hit by the arrow that ricochets off of Grant's face and impales the Eagle to the ground. The Eagle looks to be dead. Screams of chaos ensue.

Dan travels back to Mongolia, China, to disappear in shame, gets a sex change, becomes a woman. Goes by the name: DONNA. Who's now a world-class underground street fighter on the streets of Hong Kong. KEMOSABE, Donna's Archery Master trainer, searches for Donna when finding out about Grant becoming blind. Kemosabe explains to Donna that Grant is the CHOSEN ONE, explaining that the one of the one of the one who comes from two women yet cannot see, will be able to talk to the wind and never missing a target with the yield of the bow, but must be trained by the one of the one to fulfill his destiny.

After five long years, Grant gets approved for a seeing-eye dog only to hear LaPORSCHA, another dog at the pound, bitch and complain at Grant for not picking her. After realizing they can hear each other. LaPorscha strikes a deal to become his seeing-eye dog. LaPorscha who's a white highland west Terrier walks to the camera, takes off the lens reviling to the audience that LaPorscha is actually a Black Female's face superimposed onto a white west Terrier who's always smoking weed and drinking whiskey.

Donna appears back in Grant's life pretending to be his mother while only Donna's mother, RUBEE can tell it's just really DAN. Rubee makes Dan promise to continue to be Donna so as not to confuse Grant. Unfortunately, Donna fails. Out of anger, Grant grabs a BANANA from the kitchen counter and throws it with the help of LaPorscha's pinpoint guidance, hits his father/mother in the face: impressing Donna, and immediately convinces Grant to sign up for the Archery competition. LaPorscha feeling the pressure goes on a bender and starts doing cocaine. She wakes up from being passed out during the semifinal and waking up just in time to help Grant scores enough points to advance to the finals, making Donna proud. LaPorscha is convinced that she needs help, and with Grant's help, she promises to become a better seeing-eye dog and friend.

THE AMERICAN EAGLE reappears ALIVE! Wearing sunglasses. The sun's RAYS bounce off the Eagle's sunglasses which blinds all the archers in the competition, causing every ARCHER to miss their target, giving Grant the opportunity to win. The Rays have also blinded LaPorscha making Grant not knowing where to shoot until he starts to focus on what Donna has taught him."Listen to the wind." "THE WIND," sounding like an Irish drunk, starts insulting before finally deciding to help Grant with a small gust of wind to help Grant's arrow hit his first bullseye, winning the completion and fulfilling the prophecy of becoming THE BLIND ARCHER!

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Writer: Ray Mond

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B09L9WGNMC
• ISBN13: 9798761365155
• Release Date: November 2021
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 256 Pages
• Weight: 0.84 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.6" x 6.0" x 9.0"