Tethered and Torn

By Heidi Cooper

What happens when the life you are living no longer fits the story you were given?

Tethered and Torn is a compassionate exploration of what it means to live at the intersection of faith, desire, identity, and belonging. Drawing from research, clinical insight, lived experience, and the voices of polyamorous Christians, Dr. Heidi Cooper examines the often-hidden cost of trying to remain faithful to inherited beliefs while becoming more honest about who we are.

For those raised within rigid spiritual or relational frameworks, the tension between authenticity and belonging can become deeply embodied. We learn what can be spoken, what must remain hidden, and which parts of ourselves feel safe enough to reveal. Over time, that division can shape the body, relationships, spirituality, and sense of self.

Through the lens of the Communication Theory of Identity, Cooper traces how these fractures form-and how they can begin to soften. The book explores purity culture, mononormativity, shame, spiritual deconstruction, embodiment, erotic connection, consensual non-monogamy, relational ethics, sacred discretion, liminality, and the slow work of integration. Rather than prescribing one way to love or believe, it invites readers to examine the stories they have inherited and ask whether those stories still have room for the person they are becoming.

At its heart, Tethered and Torn asks a deceptively simple question:

Can I belong without abandoning myself?

For readers who have felt divided between devotion and desire, spirituality and embodiment, relationship and autonomy, this book offers neither easy answers nor rigid doctrine. Instead, it offers language, reflection, and practices for moving toward greater coherence.

It is also a resource for therapists, pastors, spiritual leaders, partners, and communities seeking to understand lives that do not fit neatly inside conventional categories.

This is not a book about rejecting faith, monogamy, or tradition. It is about making room for complexity. About recognizing that love can be ethical without being conventional, that spirituality can evolve without disappearing, and that wholeness may begin when we stop asking ourselves to divide in order to belong.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0HP5F92PM
• ISBN13: 9798997860004
• Release Date: October 2026
• Publisher: Wild Threshold Press
• Length: 312 Pages
• Weight: 0.80 lbs.
• Dimensions: 8.5" x 0.7" x 5.5"