Surely Not

By Jim Couper

A dim inventor (Left Hand Cup) impregnates the wife of an underworld hitman. The cuckolded goon bursts through the inventor's door with roses blooming rather than guns booming. Underworld enemies snipped his reproductive package: he's thankful for his wife's unexpected expectancy and gifts a mini fridge.
The hitman once fathered a skinny spinster, now yearning for motherhood. He orders the inventor, "make her pregnant." The inventor's wife, shocked, planned to staple her deceiving husband's gonads to the wall, next to the trout she caught and boar she shot: a plaque would state date, weight and length.
With shears in hand she sees an upside ... hit the hitman for payment for her husband's seed and deed. The drug dude gives cash and a toaster oven. She leads her bull by the horn to the curious, plain maiden and a month later she's with child and the inventor is in love.
The wife collects $3000 and thinks of other barren women of diminishing reproductive years, rejected by males. Will they buy fresh, not frozen? The inventor can't offer a vial of tepid seepage from who knows where. Live production requires hands on, solo, third person, 9-volt prosthetic, intrauterine insemination device or traditional.
When the husband's insemination stick wilts from being over-pimped by his wife, men must be auditioned for the dream job. The wife wants franchises and, despite derogatory puns and innuendos, commands an appearance on Dragon's Den in hopes of a business partner with seed money.
The irrepressible Genghis Khan sired 100 little Mongols, a record. The inventor may implant more babies, satisfy women and earn a place in Guinness.
Surely Not reads as if John Grisham and Bill Bryson re-wrote Erica Jong: funny, fast, satirical, scandalous and a plot to vie for. Naughty, but nice.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: B0FQ6XV1XR
• ISBN13: 9798264353901
• Release Date: September 2025
• Publisher: Independently Published
• Length: 348 Pages
• Weight: 1.03 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.7" x 6.0" x 9.0"