Should We Stay Together?: A Scientifically Proven Method for Evaluating Your Relationship and Improving Its Chances for Long-Term Success

by Jeffry H. Larson and Ron Larson

Book Overview

The fact is, some couples need more time to mature, some need to work through specific issues, and some should never be together. But how do you know? What factors add up to success-or failure-in a... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0787951447
• ISBN13: 9780787951443
• Release Date: May 2000
• Publisher: Jossey-Bass
• Length: 208 Pages
• Weight: 1.00 lbs.
• Dimensions: 0.5" x 6.8" x 9.5"

Customer Reviews

Excellent resource for important decision

While this book was recommended to me during a marital crisis (which led to my divorce), I consider the book's title to be somewhat misleading. It's intended audience is young couples considering _when_ to get married. It discusses many factors which are important for a successful (read "long-lived") marriage, especially issues that should be worked out before the wedding. It uses quantitative research to identify these factors. While it was extremely helpful when helping me to understand why I was in the situation I found myself, it's real power became obvious to me when I recommended it to a friend. She was engaged to be married in a couple months and was getting a bad case of cold feet. It was clear to me that, while she had several legitimate concerns, it was not clear if the marriage should happen or not. She read the book, cover-to-cover, in about a week. She also managed to get her fiance to read it. After this, they decided that they were not ready to be married _but_ they would be some day (a key concept in the book - not ready now does not mean not ready ever). One year later, they married and, at last report, are still very happily married. They credit this book for clarifying their relationship and putting them on the right foot. I should point out again that it focuses on young couples. It's advice, while still useful, tends to be a little too black and white for older couples. For example, it says that a person who is divorced is very unlikely to make a good marriage partner. While this may be true (and is almost assuredly true for a young person), it is not helpful information to a person who has been divorced or for an older person selecting a partner (the choices being a much younger person, a person who can't commit, a divorcee, and a person who lost their spouse). I believe it is a must read for someone in their twenties getting married (along with "Good Marriages" - a must read for everyone entering a marriage). It is a useful read in your thirties. You have to pick and choose if you are older.

If Only I'd Known This Earlier!

I was very impressed with the book, "Should We Stay Together" by Mr. Larson which is bascially a summary of all his research gained from testing of his RELATE Premarital Questionnaire. As a result sometimes the read can get bogged down in how this is just that, and lead you to say can you just get to the point. Overall it was a great source of informaiton, especially the questions that you should answer yourself and with your partner. I know it made me realize a few things about my partner I didn't know before. It uses a triangular method that seems straight forward enough, but there's more to it than you'd think! It leaves nothing to chance, and makes you question those things hidden in your closet and your partners'to give you a real picture of whether or not your relationship should go on, is worth saving, or should be dissolved ASAP.

Finally - a useful book on relationships!

This is an amazingly easy to read book - it also provides analytical, well researched information on a problem that a lot of us struggle with - finding the right spouse.I personally don't read many self-help books and get turned off by test-your-relationship quizzes, but surprisingly this book does a very good job of putting across well researched ideas about premarital indications for a good marriage. It seems to be based on solid research done by social scientists. I like the way the author potrays the book as the "Consumer Reports" for marriage preparation.The part I liked best was the explanation of myths about marriage -some of them were common sense, but others were interesting revelations that can potentially help you see hidden shades of your relationship.On the flip side, maybe there were too many quizzes and the author seems to make a big deal about premarital counselling, seeking the experts, etc. But, for a book on relationships, Jeffrey Larson provides a lot of useful information that one could use to choose a better spouse.Overall, for those of us that like to give ourselves a better than even chance at a successful marriage - this is a $20 well spent.