Shame and Anger: The Criticism Connection: The Criticism Connection

By Brock Hansen

Our powerful reactions to receiving criticism are linked to the innate emotions of shame and anger. Evolved for survival in primitive circumstances, these sometimes overwhelming reactions do not... This description may be from another edition of this product.

• Format: Paperback
• Language: English
• ISBN: 0615135811
• ISBN13: 9780615135816
• Release Date: October 2012
• Publisher: Change for Good Press
• Length: 226 Pages
• Weight: 1.10 lbs.
• Dimensions: 9.0" x 0.6" x 6.0"

Customer Reviews

Great Anthropological Read

Hansen's book is very comprehensive regarding the basic instinctual emotions that drive us to daily behaviors as well as how we can better understand these to live a more balanced life. He discusses the Criticism Connection so that the reader may better understand it and offers practical methods for dealing with these uncomfortable emotions. I found his work to be very intriguing and to contain anthropological lessons on our basic instinctual functions of these emotions. I highly recommend it: either for a recreational read or a reference for clinical study and research.

Everyone Should Read This Book

Shame and anger are powerful, basic emotions that often haunt and torture us. Brock Hansen expertly explores these two emotions in this poignant and highly-readable book. Hansen, a psychotherapist and NLP practitioner who works with "shame-based disorders," writes that shame and anger are responses to criticism and that sensitivity to criticism is ubiquitous in our culture. His book teaches us how to understand these two emotions and how to improve our ability to give and receive criticism. In Shame and Anger we learn that emotions serve the evolutionary purpose of survival of the species. Anger motivates us to attack or defend against an enemy. Shame is a signal of surrender that allows survival when the odds against us are too great to risk aggression. If the one who surrenders is lucky, he will live, perhaps to procreate; perhaps to fight another day. However, to remain in a state of surrender puts one at risk for further attack, a lower place in the social hierarchy, and limited opportunities for mating. Therefore, Hansen reasons, "...shame is always followed by a surge of aggression that helps the survivor reestablish a sense of power and position." (p. 40). The same dynamic can happen between parents and children. Children often rebel against parental dictates. However, when a parent scolds a child, the child's shame can often be reversed by reconciliation and the parent's assurance of continuing love and affection. If this reconciliation does not occur, Hansen predicts the child will develop behavioral and emotional problems. Healthful shame instills conscience. Toxic shame, on the other hand, sets up a complex cycle of anger, self-loathing, fear and distrust, and accompanying negative behaviors that draw social censure and still more shame. Toxic shame is often caused by abuse, neglect, dysfunctional family relationships, or trauma. Many who experience toxic shame strive for an impossible level of perfection in an effort to eradicate feelings of unworthiness. The most common symptom of toxic shame is depression, often triggered by perceived loss of status or perceived emotional abandonment. Chapter seven in Shame and Anger provides an astute analysis of the biochemical and emotional components of depression, showing that the body often reflects one's emotional and social environment. While Part I of this book discusses the author's theoretical approach to shame and anger, Part II gives practical solutions and healthful strategies for managing these emotions. He recommends several therapeutic approaches to help people calm emotions and handle criticism effectively and constructive. Hansen advocates values clarification and cognitive therapy as worthwhile processes for finding one's "internal compass" and for overcoming negative thinking. Hansen also provides a succinct strategy for delivering criticism without shaming, with specific implications for parents of small children. The book concludes with Hansen's